The Western Howl Staff
Theme: The signs as trending twitter hashtags
Aries 3/21-4/19
#ballsdeep
Taurus 4/20-5/20
#gamersforgod
Gemini 5/21-6/20
#babysfirstlawsuit
Cancer 6/21-7/22
#jarjarbinkssithlord
Leo 7/23-8/22
#BettyWhite
Virgo 8/23-9/22
#mydearestcop
Libra 9/23-10/22
#itsajokechill
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
#pogchamp
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
#howlaboutit
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
#taylorlautnersback
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
#freebritney
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
#cry
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Random!
Aries 3/21-4/19
We used to live in an electric world
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Avatar: the Last Airbender IS anime. Argue with the wall
Gemini 5/21-6/20
hehehe
Cancer 6/21-7/22
I’m getting more depressed by the second, let’s wrap this up
Leo 7/23-8/22
I miss you debbie come back
Virgo 8/23-9/22
This is your final warning.
Libra 9/23-10/22
If I see one more WOU student that I know on my TikTok fyp I will scream
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Do: watch a cooking show
Don’t: go to school
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
F–K YOU GABI
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
sorry i was busy playing a game abt ghosts and cults, what did you say?
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
*f a l s e*
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
“I hate to say it but I think I’m getting too old”
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Romantic Advice!
Aries 3/21-4/19
Gyrating hips.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Have you read Killing Stalking? It had a lot of helpful tips
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Don’t change who you are as a person just to please a crush
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Sometimes, in life and in love, risks must be taken.
Leo 7/23-8/22
Find a sugar daddy on Omegle and call it a day
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Romance is dead. Lie in your grave
Libra 9/23-10/22
Idk Mercury is in retrograde or something, good luck I guess
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Honestly just shoot your shot, the worst thing that can happen is they say ‘no,’ right?
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
get drunk and watch a movie with your partner, RESPONSIBLY
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
You don’t have to be in a relationship right now to know your self worth, let life progress naturally. You might be surprised what comes your way.
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Listen to boyfriend ASMR in the dark and pretend that you’re not lonely
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Most times love will lead to tears. I cry everyday anyway so it’s worth the risk.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Stressing Tips / How To Stress
Aries 3/21-4/19
Call your parents and tell them you’re pregnant
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Get married at 21
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Run through various scenarios in your head that’re completely implausible
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Forget about your midterms until 4 hours before they’re due
Leo 7/23-8/22
Take a depression nap and leave all your work till the last minute
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Unfocus your eyes and look into a corner. The faceless old woman will appear.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Be a student at WOU. Work multiple jobs for minimum wage. Call it good.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Realise you hate your major but can’t change it
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Make a mess or something
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Personally, I’m a sucker for losing really important items
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Look at your bank account
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Energy drinks are not breakfast.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: De-stressing tips!
Aries 3/21-4/19
A clean work space equates to a clean mind
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Sleep, just go to sleep.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
go for a run or walk, the pain u feel in ur lungs will make u forget abt stress 🙂
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Take a break from your tasks to do something you love
Leo 7/23-8/22
Spray some oils
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Dig a hole in your garden. You know what to do next :D.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Honestly just sit in an empty room and scream. Or it can be a full room. Doesn’t matter.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Meditate for an hour or so
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Go out and experience nature. Maybe be one with nature? Meow?
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Eat a gallon of ice cream (unless you’re lactose intolerant then idk)
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
I hear breaking things is all the rage right now
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Cry (no literally, it actually helps to release your stress)
The Western Howl Staff
Chicken Nuggets or Tenders?
Aries ⏤ 69 cents for chicken nuggets.
Taurus ⏤ Yes.
Gemini ⏤ One of each obviously
Cancer ⏤ Nuggets
Leo ⏤ Why, are you buying?
Virgo ⏤ What Scorpio said.
Libra ⏤ The ones from Lunchables
Scorpio ⏤ Nuggets, dino ones specifically. Anything else is subpar.
Sagittarius ⏤ raw????? uwu
Capricorn ⏤ Tenders FTW
Aquarius ⏤ b r e a s t
Pisces ⏤ nuggets with honey mustard 10/10
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Things Joe Biden would say
Aries 3/21-4/19
That’s what I love about highschoolers. I get older, they stay the same age.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
I’m not racist because I’m friends with the Obama’s. They’re very clean.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Catch me on the YouTube livestreaming the inauguration
Cancer 6/21-7/22
I would say
Leo 7/23-8/22
That’s all folks
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Don’t play games with me, kid.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Just Biden tings uwu rawr XD
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Finally, my dogs can live like royalty
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
HI OBAMA I MADE IT
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Forgetting is the greatest ability we have
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
We did it, folks
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
I’m getting teary eyed at the possibilities.
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Do you mind? I’m trying to sleep
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Cats or dogs, which is better? Argue amongst yourselves
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Maybe if you look at some moss balls you’ll be less evil
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Does that window open? Cuz I’m gonna jump out of it
Leo 7/23-8/22
I need to wash my masks not give y’all life advice
Virgo 8/23-9/22
a tubular optical instrument containing lenses and mirrors by which an observer obtains an otherwise obstructed field of view
Libra 9/23-10/22
At this point, I feel like an undercover participant in “60 Days In.”
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
just thought i’d let you know, i’ve been evil since i turned 15
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
I liek tortles
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Sagittarius be looking sus today, they think australian shepherds are cats
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
*shrug* (i’ll prob change this don’t put it in)
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
“You will be very rich and famous this week”
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Is that an expired COVID vaccine in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Taurus 4/20-5/20
2021 is 2012 backwards but at least this time I’m prepared to die
Gemini 5/21-6/20
what’s your favorite absurd way to package wine? mine’s canned
Cancer 6/21-7/22
*claps hands with Libra*
Leo 7/23-8/22
Just send them to the Bermuda Triangle and we won’t have these problems anymore
Virgo 8/23-9/22
a tubular optical instrument containing lenses and mirrors by which an observer obtains an otherwise obstructed field of view
Libra 9/23-10/22
If you’re about to spend the stimulus money on things you don’t need and you know it, clap your hands!
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
I can drink (responsibly) now
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Glad we’re still in the peppermint mocha stage of seasonal beverages
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
nobody:
absolutely nobody:
pharmacist: destroys 500 vaccines because just anyone can be a pharmacist
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
The amount of serotonin I get from drinking out of odd shaped mugs is unnatural.
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Huh, weird.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Damn that movie was really bad.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Wow that was worse than 2016
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me….
Leo 7/23-8/22
When the whole world took the L … lel
Virgo 8/23-9/22
“This mac and cheese, man, Oh, he’s got a plan to end my life”
Libra 9/23-10/22
I would like a full refund and a heartfelt apology.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
GG, we’ll pick it up next time
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Weird flex but ok lol
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Thanks, I hated it
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
At least it’s over
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
… if you have nothing nice to say then –
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
I’m giving you a coupon to shut up
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Oh look it’s a mug that says C–t and the C is the handle. I thought it matched your personality.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Unlock your next gift with a healthy donation of $30
Cancer 6/21-7/22
I know you hate cheeseburgers, so I got you a cheeseburger without the cheese.
Leo 7/23-8/22
No, I didn’t get you anything. Did I get you???
Virgo 8/23-9/22
One (1) free pass to your local occult meeting
Libra 9/23-10/22
A stapler and loose staples placed inside neon jello. Useful and delicious!
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
enjoy my half-drunk peppermint mocha 🙂
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
What’s that? You don’t want this gag ball?
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
I couldn’t afford a gift this year, so I got you this box
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
It’s sudoku toilet paper! Figured you needed something to do while you’re in there for an hour
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
I hope you enjoy this personalized notebook with a 2-page note I wrote for you and this scrap book and this mug and…
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Midterms
Aries 3/21-4/19
The mania that has set in from not sleeping in 3 days will never go away.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Going to sleep at 5am and waking up at 2pm seems to be working so why change it?
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Week 8. Is it over yet.
Cancer 6/21-7/22
The guy sure looks like plant food to me.
Leo 7/23-8/22
I’m going to Mcdonalds, you guys wanna tag along?
Virgo 8/23-9/22
The Sands Of Time Have Reached Their End. To Prepare For Your Finals, You Must Transcend.
Libra 9/23-10/22
If we all gather at the same time and day on Moodle, could we crash the site? Let’s put the team in teamwork.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Don’t cry because it’s over, cry because it happened
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Don’t mind. Don’t mind.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Spent all week catching up with my classes only to realize I forgot to do a project, lol what’s good y’all
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Procrastinate, stress, cram, forget assignments, cry, rinse and repeat ⏤ it’s week 8 buckos.
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Week 8? More like breakdown 80.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Family conversation starters for Thanksgiving
Aries 3/21-4/19
Look Uncle Rob, I’m going to need you to stop sending me all lives matter memes on Facebook.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Mom, dad, I have something to tell you … I’m gay.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
*silently drinks cranberry juice during the entire dinner*
Cancer 6/21-7/22
I’m going to quit and get the fear.
Leo 7/23-8/22
I’m never going to another family dinner party. EVER
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Boycott Amazon.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Listen up aunties, stop asking me if I’m in a relationship. Tinder is rough around here.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
So how about them uh. SpOrts huh? Haha
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
So uhhhh.. I lost my virginity.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
I’mfailinghalfofmyclasses so April how’re the kids?
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
So I’m a BIG supporter of pineapples on pizza. Anyone else???
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
How about we discuss the rise and fall of capitalism?
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Voting
Aries 3/21-4/19
Don’t want to hear you whining if you didn’t vote.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Are you ready to see another old white man as president again?
Gemini 5/21-6/20
no you can’t split your vote like your personality
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Hold onto your butts.
Leo 7/23-8/22
Just buy a few houseplants to like, help the vibe out, you know?
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Don’t worry, next week’s issue will include destressing tips.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Wait, I was asleep. What happened?
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
If you didn’t vote, I hope you enjoy eternal darkness 🙂
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
No matter what happens, we have each other — stay strong!
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Ah, the elderly man contest, the most interesting time of year
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
By mail or booth, you best vote
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Vote, or else…
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Election Reactions
Aries 3/21-4/19
I never liked oranges anyways.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
The pink nippled community is at it again.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
lovely
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.
Leo 7/23-8/22
Look! Another powdery old white man won the old white man contest. WHAT AN UPSET!
Virgo 8/23-9/22
I’m blue da ba dee da ba daa
Libra 9/23-10/22
How ya doin’ champ? Go take a few laps and walk it off, we’ll be fine.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
They wigged the ewection uWu
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Are we saved?
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
you’re fired lol
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
I’m tired and I hate it here.
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
I didn’t look at my phone once last week.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Horoscopes from The Fly
Aries 3/21-4/19
What if I just took a s—t right now.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
This is a nice spot for a nap.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Bruh why’d he stay so long, get out of there before his hair gel kills you!
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Don’t listen to that guy. He’s trying to lead you down the path of wickedness. I’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks!
Leo 7/23-8/22
He’s not real he’s definitely like a lizard or something
Virgo 8/23-9/22
You know what they say flies are attracted to.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Thought I was landing on a snack, turned out it was a snake.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Listen to “Fly on the Wall” by Miley Cyrus.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
You better vote.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
At least I made him look even more like an idiot
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Oop, time for my 15 minutes of fame (⌐▨_▨)
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
I can see why the audience is empty.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Halloween / Horror
Aries 3/21-4/19
Wait … what’s that behind you?
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Nothing can scare you when you’re already dead.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
I’ve got something that’ll scare you: 4 midterms on the SAME DAY
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Kxpdq vrgd, L’p jrqqd gulqn lw olnh d shuvrq. (Caesar)
Leo 7/23-8/22
Week five -shiver-
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Believe in the power of the Mothman.
Libra 9/23-10/22
BOO
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
The real treasure is the demons we bring home from the journey
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
I wonder if squirrels can haunt you… I wish I was a squirrel.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
I have a message from the ghost that’s been following me since I was 12: he says ‘boo!’
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Spooky scary midterms send shivers down your mind.
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
The only scary thing about halloween that I enjoy are the zombie shaped chocolates.
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Gang gang.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Just … go back to sleep.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
haven’t had coffee yet, pls don’t talk to me
Cancer 6/21-7/22
“I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
Leo 7/23-8/22
Out on lunch break, will be back next week
Virgo 8/23-9/22
As the days get shorter, you become your true self. Embrace the dark, baby.
Libra 9/23-10/22
No <3
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Some fish can walk out of water, but will they climb trees?
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Hey, I hope you have a wonderful day — you deserve it! Get out there and DEVOUR SOME AVOCADOS.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Go to bed early tonight, treat yourself to at least 8 hours of sleep 🙂
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Is it just me, or is my FBI man listening a little too well?
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Go ahead and buy that extra sticker for your water bottle. You deserve it.
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Who else is getting up at 6 a.m. to run? Just me?
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Let’s not and say we did…
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Yeah, no I’m going back to bed, later.
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Morsmordre!
Leo 7/23-8/22
FABULOUS JUST FABULOUS
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Mercury is not in retrograde. You can blame Earth for your problems.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Have a lovely cup of tea and talk with a stranger
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
No Scorp…io
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Contact the author at smartinez17@wou.edu
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Salad is just a vehicle for croutons, thanks for coming to my TED Talk
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Don’t mind me, just going to go casually have a breakdown in the men’s room, thanks.
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
“Suck it up and ask for help” – E.M. 2020
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Sometimes staying up until 3am watching docuseries isn’t the best idea but go off.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Astrology isn’t a lie and you should continue arguing with your parents about it. #fightthegoodfight
Gemini 5/21-6/20
*eats popcorn while watching Taurus fight with their parents*
Cancer 6/21-7/22
We’ve come to burgle your turts.
Leo 7/23-8/22
My apocalypse bingo card has a bingo, what do I win?
Virgo 8/23-9/22
I’ll be going back to bed after morning Zoom meetings and you should too
Libra 9/23-10/22
If the stars align right hopefully I’ll be a millionaire by the 22nd
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Excuse me while I avoid my class meetings so I can continue to binge Netflix shows
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
LET ME OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT pls 🙂 oh and don’t listen to capricorn 🙂
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Welcome back everyone, good to see you. Oh wait ⏤ waiting…??????? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
Side note: sagittarius is lying, you should def listen 🙂
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Listen to a Virgo this week, for they are wise [(－－)]..zzZ
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Hey there delilah what’s it like there in 2021? Im 3 months away but tonight you look so pretty…
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