This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Sometimes staying up until 3am watching docuseries isn’t the best idea but go off.


Taurus 4/20-5/20

Astrology isn’t a lie and you should continue arguing with your parents about it. #fightthegoodfight


Gemini 5/21-6/20 

*eats popcorn while watching Taurus fight with their parents*


Cancer 6/21-7/22

We’ve come to burgle your turts.


Leo 7/23-8/22

My apocalypse bingo card has a bingo, what do I win?


Virgo 8/23-9/22

I’ll be going back to bed after morning Zoom meetings and you should too


Libra 9/23-10/22

If the stars align right hopefully I’ll be a millionaire by the 22nd


Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Excuse me while I avoid my class meetings so I can continue to binge Netflix shows


Sagittarius 11/22-12/21



Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Welcome back everyone, good to see you. Oh wait ⏤ waiting…??????? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Side note: sagittarius is lying, you should def listen 🙂


Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Listen to a Virgo this week, for they are wise [(--)]..zzZ


Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Hey there delilah what’s it like there in 2021? Im 3 months away but tonight you look so pretty…

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