This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Family conversation starters for Thanksgiving


Aries 3/21-4/19  

Look Uncle Rob, I’m going to need you to stop sending me all lives matter memes on Facebook. 


Taurus 4/20-5/20

Mom, dad, I have something to tell you … I’m gay. 


Gemini 5/21-6/20 

*silently drinks cranberry juice during the entire dinner*


Cancer 6/21-7/22

I’m going to quit and get the fear.


Leo 7/23-8/22

I’m never going to another family dinner party. EVER


Virgo 8/23-9/22

Boycott Amazon.


Libra 9/23-10/22

Listen up aunties, stop asking me if I’m in a relationship. Tinder is rough around here. 


Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

So how about them uh. SpOrts huh? Haha


Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

So uhhhh.. I lost my virginity.


Capricorn 12/22-1/19

I’mfailinghalfofmyclasses so April how’re the kids?


Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

So I’m a BIG supporter of pineapples on pizza. Anyone else???


Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

How about we discuss the rise and fall of capitalism?

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