Humor

June 3, 2026 | The Signs 10 years after graduation  Aries: passed out in a ditch Taurus: super loaded with 5 houses and a farm with horses Gemini: four marriages and a brief stint as a youth pastor Cancer: Developed a gambling addiction from being in student debt Leo:...

May 27, 2026 | The car the Signs would drive if they were a rich white woman in Texas married to a guy who works for Lockheed Martin Aries: White Porsche Macan with a “I ♥️ My Gay Dog” bumper sticker Taurus: cybertruck Gemini: invisible boatmobile Cancer: pink bike...

May 20, 2026 | The signs’ random drama at dinner Aries: well, somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in february of last year Taurus: can’t stop talking about the mega beef they have with people from three years ago Gemini: uncle...

May 13, 2026 | The signs’ favorite aircraft Aries: dgaf about aircraft where r my TRAINS!!!! Taurus: first airplane literally ever Gemini: beechcraft banana Cancer: A blimp  Leo: The lego Douglas DC-3 Pan AM Airliner Virgo: Ufo  Libra: F-16 Fighting Falcon...

May 6, 2026 | How the signs procrastinate Aries: archive of our own Taurus: spins around in circles Gemini: films an asmr video  Cancer: Goes on a deep dive into a new anime Leo: Spends $200 to start a new hobby Virgo: goes on a walk and does some self care  Libra:...

April 29, 2026 | The signs as unhinged fanbases Aries: The Garfield Show Taurus: hazbin hotel Gemini: warrior cats x hamilton Cancer: Five Nights at Freddy’s Leo: Shadow X Sonic Virgo: south park Libra: Animal livestreams  Scorpio: Beliebers Sagittarius: dream smp...

April 22, 2026 | The signs as forest creatures Aries: a dryad with fire magic who constantly burns themself Taurus: Elf Gemini: somehow ended up as a tiny little shrimp Cancer: The troll that lives under the bridge in Dora the Explorer Leo: A fairy that can only do...

April 15, 2026 | What the signs spend their tax returns on Aries: responsibly saves 50%, the rest is fetish gear Taurus: teeth Gemini: fursuit savings account Cancer: Plushies from their favorite TV show Leo: Materials for a hobby started two days ago Virgo: pokemon...

April 8, 2026 | The signs dealing with spring allergies Aries: take a benadryl, it doesn’t work, take a benadryl, repeat until i black out Taurus: unaffected due to being pure of heart Gemini: has been practicing their snot blowing distance Cancer: Wears a bee keeper...

April 1, 2026 | Your horoscope Aries: A life-altering decision will present itself in your near future. Taurus: Work slowly and steadily toward your goals. Gemini: There is a question you’ve been refusing to answer; now’s the time. Cancer: Take a break — you deserve...