This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Gang gang. 


Taurus 4/20-5/20

Just … go back to sleep.


Gemini 5/21-6/20 

haven’t had coffee yet, pls don’t talk to me


Cancer 6/21-7/22

“I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”


Leo 7/23-8/22

Out on lunch break, will be back next week 


Virgo 8/23-9/22

As the days get shorter, you become your true self. Embrace the dark, baby.


Libra 9/23-10/22

No <3


Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Some fish can walk out of water, but will they climb trees?


Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Hey, I hope you have a wonderful day — you deserve it! Get out there and DEVOUR SOME AVOCADOS.


Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Go to bed early tonight, treat yourself to at least 8 hours of sleep 🙂


Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Is it just me, or is my FBI man listening a little too well?


Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Go ahead and buy that extra sticker for your water bottle. You deserve it. 

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