The signs during Spring break: Aries: CELEBRATING THEIR BIRTHDAYS RAHHHH Taurus: Doing nothing but cooking, sleeping and recovering Gemini: already in hot girl summer gear Cancer: Thrifting a whole new wardrobe Leo: Making friends with everyone at the beach Virgo:...
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This week in entirely made up horoscopes
The signs go on a date… Aries: silently takes notes to debrief with the besties later Taurus: kum n go Gemini: immediately exposes all of their red flags Cancer: Falls in love after being shown the absolute bare minimum Leo: has a mental breakdown and goes...
This week in entirely made up horoscopes
The signs walk into a bar… Aries: orders a shirley temple… extra cherries Taurus: Immediately turns around because the bartender is cute Gemini: tries to charm the bartender for free drinks (and fails) Cancer: sees a man and walks out… Leo: is this the punch...
This week is completely made up horoscopes
The Signs Snowed-in Aries: sleeping for 12 hours straight Taurus: debating on redownloading dating apps due to boredom Gemini: on the fourth rewatch of Grey’s Anatomy Cancer: Rearranging my room for the 100th time Leo: losing my mind. Virgo: ate shit on the ice...
This week in completely made up horoscopes
The signs go home for Thanksgiving: Aries: All I need are my cats and a mega-pint of wine Taurus: If I hear one more comment about my “holey” jeans I’m going to stuff myself into the turkey Gemini: STUFFING IS DISGUSTING… and no one can change my mind Cancer:...
This week in completely made up horoscopes
Aries: buying half price candy and advil at the drugstore Taurus: saw the opportunity to run away last night and hasn’t been seen since Gemini: already making a Pinterest board for next year’s fit Cancer: still sleeping on the lawn after trying to connect with their...
This week in completely made up horoscopes
Here’s what the signs are doing for the spooky season: Aries: Taking out their anger with a pumpkin and carving tools. Taurus: Why would I walk around to get candy when I could just doordash it? At home, in bed. Gemini: having more fun getting ready for...
The signs are ready for the school year to be over
Aries: Screaming into the crusty dorm carpet during their “floor time” Taurus: Hating group projects, talking to people, listening to people, interacting with people… people. Gemini: Being asked to put your phone away in class won’t stop your eight hours of daily...
This week in completely made up horoscopes
Horoscopes from our minds to yours
Horoscopes! issue 22
Theme: Allergies!