This week in entirely made up horoscopes

The signs go on a date…

Aries: silently takes notes to debrief with the besties later

Taurus: kum n go 

Gemini: immediately exposes all of their red flags

Cancer: Falls in love after being shown the absolute bare minimum

Leo: has a mental breakdown and goes home.

Virgo: Canceled last minute, berates themselves for making plans on a sacred friday evening

Libra: goes way over the top and overwhelms their date

Scorpio: Oh the date went well? Time to rent the U-Haul

Sagittarius: Date so crazy our first stop was couple’s counseling

Capricorn: *stuffs breadsticks into pockets*

Aquarius: doesn’t make it through the door

Pisces: I’m way overdressed for hotdogs in the park