This week in completely made up horoscopes

Here’s what the signs are doing for the spooky season: Aries: Taking out their anger with a pumpkin and carving tools.  Taurus: Why would I walk around to get candy when I could just doordash it? At home, in bed.  Gemini: having more fun getting ready for...

The signs are ready for the school year to be over

Aries: Screaming into the crusty dorm carpet during their “floor time” Taurus: Hating group projects, talking to people, listening to people, interacting with people… people. Gemini: Being asked to put your phone away in class won’t stop your eight hours of daily...

Horoscopes!

Aries 3/21-4/19  It’s getting too warm to wear fuzzy sweaters and I am livid   Taurus 4/20-5/20 Already drinking too much coffee every day and it’s only week 2   Gemini 5/21-6/20  Predicting the future by writing the horoscope for your own sign does not...