Mount Hood

Crack up to these spooky jokes

Hilarious Halloween jokes to rattle the bones

The Western Howl Collective

With the Halloween holiday comes many things — costumes, decorations, scary movies and stories — but it also brings in the chance to tell some fun, themed jokes to make others laugh during the spooky season. Read on to find some funny Halloween jokes and puns we’ve compiled here at “The Western Howl.”

“Do you want to know how to get a significant other during Halloween? You make sure they’re screaming without the s.” 

“Are you a vampire? Cause you’re a pain in the neck.

“The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it. What is it? A coffin.”

“What did the ghost say to their psychiatrist? I used to be somebody.”

“What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.”

“How do you get rid of demons? Exorcise a lot.”

“Where is a skeleton the most ticklish? Their funny bone.”

“Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.”

“What’s it called when a ghost has trouble with his house? A grave problem.”

“Why didn’t the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn’t have the guts.” 

“What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I-Scream!”


Compiled by The Western Howl staff

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Costumes the signs would wear!

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Pillow.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Triangle guard from Squid Game

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Iconic gay couple. Both.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Mojo Jojo from the Powerpuff Girls

Leo 7/23-8/22

Stormtrooper

Virgo 8/23-9/22

A wine mom, wine included

Libra 9/23-10/22

Either Beyoncé or an Ouija Board

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Mort from Madagascar

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

A T-Rex with a reach extender — unstoppable

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Sparkly shimmery vampire, complete with an open shirt

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

2002 “Dirrty” Christina Aguilara. Or just the chaps.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Sexy bunny

Spoofy, silly, staff stories

The Howl staff shares some of their funny fall tales

The Western Howl Collective

October brings a holiday that many love to celebrate — Halloween. The month is filled with an assortment of spooky things — from movie marathons to quirky decorations to themed foods; nevertheless, no holiday is complete without its share of funny stories. Check out these howl-ingly funny tales from “The Western Howl” staff.

Cora McClain | Editor-in-Chief

Growing up, I had a relatively rich friend and trick-or-treating in her neighborhood was always the best. Four words: king sized candy bars. I would do anything for those candy bars, even trip over my own two feet, scraping up my knees and bleeding all over my costume… At least I got my king sized cookies and cream Hershey’s bar along with anxiety-inducing embarrassment. They don’t call it trick-or-treating for nothing.

Rylie Horrall | Managing Editor

A year or two ago, my mom and I were watching a scary movie. We do that every year and it’s become a fun tradition for us when I’m home around the holiday. Anyway, it was a very tense scene, we’re completely immersed with the lights off, the character on the screen was heading up to what’s probably a jumpscare so we’re leaning in. And then my brother comes around the corner and says “How’s the movie?” I screamed. Mom screamed. He yelped. Long story short, my brother is now extra cautious when he walks into the living room when something scary is on.

Stephanie Moschella | Digital Media Manager

Last Halloween my friends and I played “Little Hope” — well it was more like they played and I watched. I had already played this video game before, but I wanted to see how my friends and roommates fared. Well, long story short, I fell asleep about halfway through them playing the game. I was on one of the couches and my back was turned against the TV, but that didn’t stop any of them from screaming or yelling out loud. But it was fine since I got a pretty good nap. 

Mikayla Coleman | News Editor 

I grew up playing hours and hours of “LEGO Star Wars” with my dad on his Xbox 360. To earn the respect of my father, I decided to dress up as a stormtrooper for Halloween. My dad and Iwalked into Target, and there it was, the iconic costume, hanging halfway off the hanger in the little boys section. I was so excited, I didn’t bother to look at the tags.

It sat in the closet until the infamous day rolled around. I was psyched. I put the costume on and was sitting there thinking, “Oh, this is uncomfortable. This can’t be right.” But I begrudgingly went out on my trick-or-treating adventure around the neighborhood, feeling wedgied as all h–l, taking weird clomping steps up and down the sidewalk. 

It  took me a couple of years to understand that there was a cup in the crotch of my costume because it was made for little boys. RIP. 

Sarah Austin | Lifestyle Editor

Each year as September comes to an end, I make plans with my friends to go to a corn maze. It’s my favorite activity because we all go in and they think it will be cute and fun, but I like to add a twist. Yes, it’s me; that person running through the maze making creepy laughing noises or hiding to scare people. Even in the daylight. 

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Fall drink the signs would order!

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Ice water with whip cream

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Black americano with cream. 

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Straight tears

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Throw caramel apples and candy corn in a blender

Leo 7/23-8/22

A Dutch Bros iced Kick-a-lator with cinnamon sprinks. With extra bro. Jump in my car and give me a kiss on the cheek, bro.

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Pumpkin spiced thotte 😉

Libra 9/23-10/22

Something sexy, like the infamous Pumpkin Spice Latte

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

peppermint mocha bc I refuse to drink psls

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Venti cup filled with pumpkin cream cold foam. Don’t forget the pumpkin spice topping!

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Just straight caramel syrup and whipped cream in a pumpkin

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Sangria apple cider. Light on the cider cider, extra pinot grigio.?

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Starbucks. Grande Vanilla Bean Frappuccino. Blend in dried blackberries and one pump raspberry syrup. One scoop matcha in the bottom of the cup, one on top of the whipped cream topping.

How I would commit the perfect crime

I want to commit crime but not get caught, and I finally figured out how 

Stephanie Moschella | Digital Media Manager

There are loads of ways to commit a crime — from illegally downloading music and jaywalking, all the way to murdering someone; there’s a lot of middle ground that’s uncovered. I’m a pretty average person with no real connection to someone that could easily bail me out of jail, and I don’t really know the legality for literally everything in my life, so I would say that committing any type of crime is pretty much off the table. But I’ve done some not so great stuff here and there, from cheating on tests to flipping people off on the street. However, it’s not like robbing a bank or killing my next-door neighbor’s dog (no matter how annoying it is).

I wouldn’t kidnap someone because that seems like way too much trouble for what it’s worth, and like, what am I supposed to do? Keep one of those ugly ski masks on the entire time? And who am I supposed to kidnap? I can’t do children because they’re way too loud and kind of gross — besides, I know for a fact I would feel way too guilty about it during the whole thing. Then a whole a-s adult? I’m weak, diseased and haven’t properly run since PE during my sophomore year of highschool, so I would become the victim. 

I’m also too impatient to rob a bank, or literally anything else. Sure, maybe I’ve stolen a small trinket here and there, but never enough to have my whole life set. If I were to rob a place, it would have to ensure med school, a proper wedding, four kids — adoption and fostering — a yacht and a third movie of the “National Treasure” series. But see, I get fidgety real quick. And imagine someone with an encyclopedia-long list of undiagnosed mental illnesses with a gun, in a room full of people — yeah, textbook school shooter material. So no, don’t rob a place with someone who has social anxiety. 

“So what would be my perfect crime? Well, it’s simple. I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadéro. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.” 

Inspired by “The Office” season 5 episode 9.

Contact the author at digitalmediamanager@thewesternhowl.com

 

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Giving advice to new students!

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Drop out.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Pedialyte. Lots of pedialyte. Hydration station.  

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Use last year’s essays.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Go to community college first—oh wait

Leo 7/23-8/22

Join clubs, go to social events, make connections with professors, get an internship, get a job. All at once. You totally will not burn out extremely trying to please everyone.

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Coffee is your best friend. Literally, you’re not gonna survive without her. 

Libra 9/23-10/22

Befriend people. Many people. Date everyone you meet.

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

C’s get degrees. …or is it D’s, idk

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

College is more about the experience than actual learning. Skipping classes is totally fine as long as you’re out living life to the fullest.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Start budgeting, you’ll probably have to survive a couple months with only $13 dollars at least twice.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Summer is over. Accept it and embrace Fall so you can enjoy it!

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Get some food in your stomach before/while drinking so you can drink more

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Hot girl summer tips!

Aries 3/21-4/19  

ur hot already

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Sleep. Nothing else.

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Disagreeing with Virgo, avoid the sunscreen and get toasty

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Live life to the fullest and don’t be afraid

Leo 7/23-8/22

Your fire’s a little low babe, it’s time you take it back

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Wear sunscreen with at least SPF 30!

Libra 9/23-10/22

GTL; Gym, tan, laundry! #jerseyshore 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

be queer invoke fear

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

hydrate

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Cry twice a day, it’ll clear your skin up to make for some killer photos

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Act “cultured” and order a “Ban(h) Mi” that’s actually just a chicken sandwich

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Turn up the heater?