Mount Hood

This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Time to start my year-long backpacking adventure across the wilds of New Mexico! See ya on the flipside ∠(￣^￣) [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] What do you get when you mix a ladybug, a rabbit and a lizard?

Who knows, but I definitely do want to see it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] I have no idea what day it is. I stay up until 6 a.m. working, go to bed, and then wake up at 2 p.m. to start the cycle again. Is today Friday? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] You’ve got that emotional sauce, man.

Go protest. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] When life gives you lemons, give them back and say you want coffee [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] How do I avoid stress? I just don’t write it down. If I don’t write it down, I don’t do it. And if I don’t do it, I don’t stress about it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Bye [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] I should’ve known better. The year never ends easy. Good luck to everyone else. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] PLS DON’T LEAVE ME. I’M GOING TO MISS YOU. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] My mind has snapped like a stale breadstick. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] I’d say I’ve already left the building, but I’m scared to go outside… hold me. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Time to sleep through the entirety of summer bc I’m exhausted af. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Duck! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Have you heard how people have been spotting fairies and unicorns…? Yeah me neither. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Welcome to rat season, sorry, Gemini season. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] We’re all just the Cabbage man from “Avatar.”

 

By the way. Go watch it. It’s on Netflix now. You have no excuses. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Duck! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Oh, Worm. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Im a zebra [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Wait, I didn’t realize that my online classes weren’t optional. Rough. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Sagittarius will be gone this week. Hello, my name is kaiyo and here’s my message for you, “I’m going to hydro flask you.” [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] *hears classes will be online next term* nO NO you put that sentence back in your mouth. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Goose!

Ew, why did I just do that? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Please excuse me as I watch ten straight hours of “Gilmore Girls” and pretend that this term is over already. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] I’m having me time, get out. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] A great way to achieve some peace and quiet to get what you need done… Don’t do it, let it be and continue your procrastination. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] There are no rules in quarantine except for one. Block block block your ex and never text them again. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] So you’ve started writing poems in your Notes app … you know there’s no coming back from that, right? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Oops *moans* [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Why is “Gravity Falls” only two seasons! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″]Wait what? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Just so we’re all on the same page, flying spiders were a thing in Texas three years ago. But they might come back.. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Who knew that eating chocolate frosting could be such great exercise? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Sorry, it’s week eight and I’m not feeling this, sayonara [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Advice, brought to you by iPhone predictive text: If I don’t wanna go get back with ya, lol. I’m sorry about that. Your email is not working. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″]All quarantine has taught me is that I’m a procrastinating disaster hamster. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Listen, I’m just trying to get through the day. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Now that quarantine has completely wrecked your sleep schedule, you can now hear your neighbors drag racing their cars at 4 a.m. What a time to be alive. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] MIKE WAZOWSKI [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] I can’t think of anything. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] .enitnarauq fo derit os m’I [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] *meme* [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Have you tried just, making banana bread? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Nygel Ian is pretty cool. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Asdfghjkl;’ ? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Keeping it classy in these week-long pjs [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Beans!!! [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] You? ME? Who? We! 

I’m okay, I swear. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Twizzlers solve everything, especially in an apocalypse, so stock up. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Virgo is just out here to rip your heart out. If you know, you know. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] You guys realize the government just confirmed that aliens exist, right? You guys realize that, right? RIGHT?! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Man, Aquarius really said we live in a society. ¦¬) [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] It’s only the matter of time before our government executes Order 66. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] God’s Plague Inc score must be off the charts [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] I’ll fight an alien, I don’t care. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] STREAM SAVAGE REMIX BY MEGAN THEE STALLION (FEAT. BEYONCÉ). [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Check in with any Cancers you know today (I think they’re going a little nuts). [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Maybe we are the virus [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] You ever wonder if we’re all just Sims in a really, really wild game of Sims 2: Double Deluxe? [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

 

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] What’s a sleep schedule? I wake up and I pass out when I want!! You don’t control me (ง’̀-‘́)ง [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Don’t get your horns in a wad… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] To that one professor who is acting like the world isn’t ending, I hope you run out of toilet paper. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] I’m so bored, the Duolingo owl hasn’t even had to threaten me lately. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] HOI. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] John Oliver is our lord and savior. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] I like looking at big numbers [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Honestly, you shouldn’t be surprised at this point. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] TESTICULAR MASS. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] My new schedule has me drinking my third cup of coffee by 11 a.m., but hey, such is life. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] We asked 100 college students are you Survivin’, Thrivin’, Dyin’? 

Number 1 answer: I have 15 assignments due on Sunday, you do the math. No seriously, please do my math homework. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] My name is Jerry. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscope

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Wake up 3 minutes before Zoom class. No exceptions. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] I’m zooming out…bye [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Just like how professors knew you were texting in class, professors know you’re playing Animal Crossing on your switch during Zoom. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] I wish my Zoom meeting would get hacked by someone interesting … like Jeff Goldblum and his astounding lesbian energy. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] lol [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] What Sag said…Good luck. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] zoooooooooooooooooooOOOOOooOOOO00O000ooonm

 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] It’s okay to wear no pants when you’re Zooming, they can’t see much anyways. Be comfortable in these uncomfortable times. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] I have no zoom meetings this term, so idk what to tell y’all. Good luck? lmao. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Pro tip: make yourself look sad during your Zoom meeting so the professor won’t call on you. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] You think Zoom is only for class? Amateur. I use it to hold my daily sob sessions with my cry guys. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Zoom? Zoom who? The only “Zoom” I know is the PBS series I used to watch as a kid. Best part of my day. [/fruitful_tab]

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