Mount Hood

How I would commit the perfect crime

I want to commit crime but not get caught, and I finally figured out how 

Stephanie Moschella | Digital Media Manager

There are loads of ways to commit a crime — from illegally downloading music and jaywalking, all the way to murdering someone; there’s a lot of middle ground that’s uncovered. I’m a pretty average person with no real connection to someone that could easily bail me out of jail, and I don’t really know the legality for literally everything in my life, so I would say that committing any type of crime is pretty much off the table. But I’ve done some not so great stuff here and there, from cheating on tests to flipping people off on the street. However, it’s not like robbing a bank or killing my next-door neighbor’s dog (no matter how annoying it is).

I wouldn’t kidnap someone because that seems like way too much trouble for what it’s worth, and like, what am I supposed to do? Keep one of those ugly ski masks on the entire time? And who am I supposed to kidnap? I can’t do children because they’re way too loud and kind of gross — besides, I know for a fact I would feel way too guilty about it during the whole thing. Then a whole a-s adult? I’m weak, diseased and haven’t properly run since PE during my sophomore year of highschool, so I would become the victim. 

I’m also too impatient to rob a bank, or literally anything else. Sure, maybe I’ve stolen a small trinket here and there, but never enough to have my whole life set. If I were to rob a place, it would have to ensure med school, a proper wedding, four kids — adoption and fostering — a yacht and a third movie of the “National Treasure” series. But see, I get fidgety real quick. And imagine someone with an encyclopedia-long list of undiagnosed mental illnesses with a gun, in a room full of people — yeah, textbook school shooter material. So no, don’t rob a place with someone who has social anxiety. 

“So what would be my perfect crime? Well, it’s simple. I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadéro. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.” 

Inspired by “The Office” season 5 episode 9.

Contact the author at digitalmediamanager@thewesternhowl.com

 

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Giving advice to new students!

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Drop out.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Pedialyte. Lots of pedialyte. Hydration station.  

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Use last year’s essays.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Go to community college first—oh wait

Leo 7/23-8/22

Join clubs, go to social events, make connections with professors, get an internship, get a job. All at once. You totally will not burn out extremely trying to please everyone.

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Coffee is your best friend. Literally, you’re not gonna survive without her. 

Libra 9/23-10/22

Befriend people. Many people. Date everyone you meet.

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

C’s get degrees. …or is it D’s, idk

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

College is more about the experience than actual learning. Skipping classes is totally fine as long as you’re out living life to the fullest.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Start budgeting, you’ll probably have to survive a couple months with only $13 dollars at least twice.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Summer is over. Accept it and embrace Fall so you can enjoy it!

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Get some food in your stomach before/while drinking so you can drink more

WOU internal scholarships face $1.5 million “right-sizing”

Area heads receive emails announcing smaller budget for Fee Remissions next year

Sydney Carpenter | News Editor

Article 15 and staff layoffs were only among the first areas to undergo what Western administration has coined “right-sizing” the university.

Going into the upcoming school year, Student Affairs and Financial Aid have finalized a list of Western specific scholarships known as “Fee Remissions” to be cut, totalling an estimated $1.5 million, according to a March 31 email sent to English professor and Honors Department Director Dr. Gavin Keulks.

According to Financial Aid’s website, the Fee Remissions budget is university funds designated by Western to help students pay for tuition and educational fees. The site lists educational fees including mandatory fees ⏤ Incidental fee, Building fee, Online Course fee, Rec Center building fee, Student Health building fee and Health Services fee ⏤ and course fees that vary by class.

“(The) University is reducing the Remission budget for next year, largely because of fewer students enrolled at (Western),” said Vice President of Student Affairs Gary Dukes. “Even though enrollment has been decreasing over the last few years, the Remissions budget has been increasing. This (reduction) is largely to bring the Remission budget back in line with our current enrollment.”

At the time this article was written, the Western Howl had not been sent a full comprehensive list of all scholarships that are undergoing these changes, but on May 14, the Howl was sent a list of 17 areas. This list did not include the Honors Department scholarship; however, according to Keulks, the Honors Department is receiving a 25% decrease to their current $200,000 budget. Under the new budget, Keulks anticipates two possible scenarios to respond to the decrease, but it all depends on enrollment rates for the upcoming school year.

“It was 42 (students) back at the start of the year,” said Keulk. “I’m not going to be anywhere near 42 with with the incoming students. I might be at 20 and right there is $20,000 saved … here’s no way it’s not going to impact students, but it’s not going to be an obliteration.”

However, Keulks says that the worst case scenario would be more enrollment than anticipated as it would impact the fixed amounts given during each academic year. 

After speaking to several assistant directors within a few departments, a commonality in the budget decrease is that directors were not involved directly with decisions regarding Fee Remission decreases. Directors received an email from Gary Dukes pertaining to their budget, but otherwise were not contacted other than asking for what could be cut.

Contact the author at scarpenter@mail.wou.edu

The fight for the Freedom Center continues

Students voice opinions on Freedom Center project in special Board of Trustees meeting

Sydney Carpenter | News Editor 

The special meeting designated for the Freedom Center held on May 12  ended an hour and a half early with the Board of Trustees chair Betty Komp accepting no questions from members on the committee. 

In preparation for the meeting, students signed up to give their comments on the student drafted cultural proposal project presented by Incidental Fee Committee chair Makana Waikiki on April 21 — the second to last meeting of the Board of Trustees. To view the full proposal, check out vol. 3 issue 24, page 3 of The Western Howl that was released on April 27.

In this special meeting, the board changed its comment process, giving each student three minutes to voice their concerns. In total, nine Western students signed up to publicly address the committee members, including Associated Students of Western Oregon University President Elect Logan Jackson.

“Due to the events that have happened over the past year especially, we’ve been given the perfect catalyst to really start addressing issues we have here on campus involving diversity and inclusion,” said Jackson.

Jackson noted her experience as a student of color and commended the university for the progress she has seen in her three years of being a student at Western. However, Jackson went on to say that there is still work to be done on a multitude of levels.

“I look forward to being able to work with everyone next year in an effort to continue the progress that has slowly but surely been made here at (Western) in regards to diversity and inclusion,” said Jackson.

Because of the meeting format, the Board was not able to take any action. However, Chair Komp opened the discussion for committee members to only comment and not question students on their given testimonies. Board member Gayle Evans addressed the students saying she had taken notes, and other members had further questions to ask of the students when the time was appropriate.

“As a white person raised mostly in Oregon I have learned a lot in the last year,” said Evans. “I understand what you’re saying about people who do not have the same background and experience to fully understand, relate and support BIPOC.”

Although members voiced that they had questions, the committee chair ended the meeting at around 1:30 p.m. instead of the designated 3 p.m. One of the board members voiced their  disagreement because the session still had an hour and a half left.

“It is up to the discretion of the chair to say whether you are going to accept the question or not,” said Komp in an interview after the special meeting. “My interpretation is that they had further questions about this topic and they can take that to their committee meetings.”

Komp cited a policy claiming that because the meeting was designated as a comment time for students, board members were primarily responsible for listening rather than asking questions at that time. 

The committee has one final meeting on June 9 at 1 p.m. It is currently unknown whether the proposal will make the agenda. To view the meeting, the live stream will be hosted by WOUTV.

Contact the author at scarpenter18@mail.wou.edu

Opinion: Violence is not a one party problem

Placing blame on one movement isn’t going to heal the divide we currently have in our country

Sydney Carpenter | News Editor

The Western Howl’s writing season and my time here as the News Editor are coming to an end. Over these last couple weeks, I’ve been reflecting on my first year of journalism ⏤ most notable, but not to disregard any of the other stories I’ve written, are the articles covering various gatherings and events at the Capitol. A joke in the office is that if you can’t find me, check the Capitol building.

I’ve attended rallies, protests and riots just like a lot of other Western students. Regardless of which side of the aisle organized the events, I can say I personally have been maced, mobbed and assaulted by the left and the right side.

As a student journalist, I’ve been asked to leave because “fake news media isn’t welcome,” “liberal fake news media isn’t welcome,” “we don’t want people taking pictures” or because “you’re suspect.” At times I’ve had my own life threatened or the safety buddy I bring with me has been threatened. 

Regardless of these experiences, I’ve been able to talk to people, and I think the most mind boggling thing for me is when I’m asked about the various articles I’ve written tackling these events. The interviewee I speak with is always shocked when they hear I’ve been verbally and physically assaulted by the side they stand with. 

People who identify as standing on the left are often quick to point out the violence of the right, but there are instances where I was in the midst of a group of antifascists who set off a can of bear mace as other members of the movement paintballed a car with stickers corresponding to right wing ideologies. When I’ve gone to rallies designated as right wing events, I’ve been escorted out by people identifying as “Proud Boys.” At these rallies, they spend a lot of time judging and criticizing the left group, associating them with rioters and looters. However, there is no mention of instances where right wing groups have personally assaulted journalists or made threats on people’s lives. 

I think another important point to make is that sweeping generalizations aren’t being made; at these events, there’s never just one or two sides that are present. You have a giant gumbo pot of beliefs that don’t always agree with each other. I’ve seen radical movements violently attack vehicles and people, while other protesters cry and beg for them to stop hurting people and causing damage. Sometimes there were mock “militias” that acted as security and were under orders of one person; if you fall on their radar, they will have that group swarm you and what they choose to do to you depends on who you are. Often, when I’ve had this happen to me I’ve tried to stand up for myself and verbally disarm them. There’s always one that is willing to listen in an unaggressive manner.

Since Jan. 6, the tension in Salem has been particularly palpable. Every weekend, there are different movements staking claims to particular areas of downtown. The police presence is noticeably dismal — until you have a group of people standing outside of the Capitol building. While you have cases of violence within various areas, the police have in some cases permitted  harassment and assault to be the standard at some of these events. I have literally run into an undercover cop posing as a gardener in a construction site, and after telling him that a group identifying as “Proud Boys” swarmed and assaulted me and my friend during a Second Amendment Rally during May Day, he said thank you and walked away. 

The Salem police have made statements saying they don’t want to make the situation worse by adding a visible presence, so they send undercover agents; but, even after I reported what happened to us, we were left to our own devices. I later reported the harassment to police officers that showed up after the event was over and all they said was that they would make a report.

The point is, there are cases of violence all over and we can’t continue to use divisive language to argue which event was better or worse than the other. We can’t continue to have fierce party loyalties, as it’s only generated this atmosphere that creates enemies. Some veteran journalists who have actually gone to war zones have told me that what’s going on in our country is reminiscent of the experiences they’ve had. The most interesting part is that people are taking sides, but their beliefs don’t always align; it’s strictly party loyalty or party resentment.

The gap we have keeps growing wider and wider as time goes on. As blame is placed and fingers are pointed, we seem to choose to tune out each other’s voices. “If you’re not with us you’re against us” seems to be a running theme. But anger and hatred don’t have to be matched. We can lower the temperature and meet as equals, but I think in order to do that we can’t continuously point out others’ faults. 

There has to be self acknowledgement that the political atmosphere has spiralled out of control and trying to throw water on an oil fire isn’t the solution. Explosive discussions are going to be our downfall if our views of the “other side” don’t change. I think we can all agree, where we are right now is not where any of us want to be.

Contact the author at scarpenter18@mail.wou.edu

Paint the day away, one rock at a time

Try out rock painting to really rock your world 

Natalie‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌|‌ ‌Entertainment‌ ‌Editor‌ ‌ ‌

With summer coming up, it’s important to have more than one way to spend the long days. Some people kill time by picking up new hobbies, or through experimenting with different types of arts and crafts. Rock painting is one activity that can be relaxing and turned into an artistic outlet, and it’s one craft that requires few materials. 

One easy way to find materials is by collecting rocks on walks and checking to see if there’s any old paint laying around the house. Sharpies work in a pinch and can add more detail to painted pieces. If out of paint, consider using leftover nail polish or spray paint to decorate. With hundreds of possible designs ⏤ ranging from animals, flowers, bees, candy and bugs ⏤ there’s something for everyone. 

There are tons of official rock painting groups spread out across Oregon, all with their own vibrant communities and unique designs. To get started in the rock painting world, try joining Facebook groups and looking for rock painting hashtags on other social media platforms, like Instagram and Twitter. It can even be an opportunity to share one’s own work and artistic skills, or it can just be a fun family activity. These rock painting pages and communities in Oregon can all be found on Facebook: 

  • West Coast Painted Rocks, #WCPR.
  • Brookings Oregon Painted Rocks, #BOPR.
  • Southern Oregon Painted Rocks, #SOPR.
  • Klamath Rocks.
  • Lane County “Rocks,” #LCR! and #lanecountyrocks.
  • Eugene “Rocks.”
  • Lakeview “Rocks.”
  • Cottage Grove, Oregon “Rocks!”, #CG Rocks. 
  • Coos County Rocks!! 
  • Rocks Across America, #Oregon.
  • Linn County Rocks.
  • Lincoln City Rocks.
  • Rocks N Dallas OR.
  • Portland Rocks.
  • Newberg Rocks.
  • Polk County Painted Rocks.

Contact the author at ndean17@wou.edu 

Snag some well-loved literature in your area

Local little libraries make a big impact on communities

Natalie‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌|‌ ‌Entertainment‌ ‌Editor‌ ‌ ‌

Sunny days are best enjoyed with a lounge chair and a captivating book, but sometimes it feels impossible to find the “right” book to start reading. With local little libraries, it’s easy to explore new titles provided by the community. These libraries can be made by families, bought online or provided by organizations, and they offer a convenient and interactive way to get involved in the community by having others take or donate well-loved books. Here are just a few little libraries in the area, out of the many that are in Oregon: 

Monmouth 

  • MaMere’s Guest House ⏤ 212 Knox St. N. This little library is a replica of the historic house and is crafted entirely from LEGO’s. It’s complete with LEGO flowers, a miniature library and a black cat that roams the property. 
  • Monmouth Montessori School ⏤ 1140 East Main St. This library is for anyone to enjoy, take a short walk to discover the big blue butterfly on the back of the library — with this cute design, it’s hard to miss.

Salem and Keizer

  • American Antique Hardware ⏤ 2983 D St. NE. This red and blue library is bigger than others since it’s in a larger neighborhood and a busier location. Supported by the surrounding seven homes in the area, they have all come together to offer books for all ages in English and Spanish. 
  • Oneil Library ⏤ 7426 Oneil Road NE. This royal blue library was built in 2019 by Donovan Karnes for his Eagle Scout Project, with the help of Boy Scout Troop 7067. 
  • Little Free Library ⏤ 5908 Legacy St. SE. Smaller and tucked away, these wooden navy blue walls hold a selection of children’s books and adult literature.

Eugene 

  • Anthony and Jodie St. Clair’s ⏤ 1260 Beebe Lane. This blue and purple library was gifted to Anthony and Jodie St. Clair by Nancy Nathanson and the River Road Community Organization. Now, they pass on their love for reading by sharing their colorful library with the community. 
  • Treetops Little Free Library ⏤ 3049 Deerbrush Way. Parked in the shade from the trees in Southwest Eugene, this library is made from rich, dark wood that will immediately catch the eye. Snag a book to add some excitement to the day.  
  • Cole Family Library ⏤ 553 North Bertelsen Road. This is the second library made by the Cole family, and they’re back and better than ever. With the adorable addition of a flower doorknob, small flower beds and windows, anyone in the neighborhood can enjoy their labor of love. 

Contact the author at ndean17@wou.edu