Humor

  Aries 3/21-4/19 Here is a random tweet to I found to guide you through your day. “When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.” -@Tmoney68 Taurus 4/20-5/20 The moons are telling me you’re prepping for summer,...

In a mom-and-pop dry cleaners in Dallas, Texas, it has been reported—and I use the term reported very loosely—that a man looking oddly similar to Ted Cruz was seen picking up some sort of Zodiac Killer-esque costume on May 5.

Aries 3/21-4/19 I’ve got a special treat for you this week, Aries. Orange mocha frappuccinos! Taurus 4/20-5/20 There is a very adorable caterpillar in your pocket. Gemini 5/21-6/20 The moons be dancin’ and singin’ in your favor, Gemini. You will not be hungover on May...

Aries 3/21-4/19 Aries, the tattoo you just got on your left leg is spelled wrong. Check it, double check it, and show it to a friend over 30. I’m totally right. Taurus 4/20-5/20 Your astrological sign has now been changed to Libra. Please refer to the horoscope below....

Madeline Meyers, a twenty-something philosophy major, has come across a new solution to getting out of taking a test:

Aries 3/21-4/19 Only Drake knows. Taurus 4/20-5/20 I spoke with Jupiter and she told me to pass this info along; go on and explore your sexuality with that kid from Bio that you keep eyein’. Gemini 5/21-6/20 On Friday, keep looking in the mirror. Half of your eyebrow...

Jessica – or maybe it was Rachel – Smith spent last Tuesday in a panic during her Intro to Psychology course when she discovered the drink she had ordered from the local Dutch Bros. in Monmouth was, in fact, wrong.