By: Zoe Strickland

NASA recently reminded all of us that they truly hold power over the stars. NASA scientists came forth with the information that there are actually 13 zodiac symbols, rather than 12. The ‘new’ zodiac, Ophiuchus, sits nestled in the winter months. Some of you may be freaking out right now, but this (completely fake) astrologer is here to tell you to chill out. Ophiuchus has been around for centuries! Constellations don’t just randomly appear in the sky, and not all constellations are zodiac symbols. When Babylonians were creating the zodiac calendar, they decided to pick 12 of the constellations that the sun passed through to represent the 12 different parts of the zodiac. Ophiuchus was always there, the Babylonians just didn’t want it in their calendar. As NASA pointed out on their Tumblr page: they’re in the business of studying astronomy, not astrology. So, take a deep breath, you don’t have to update your Tinder bio just yet.

Aries 3/21-4/19
Yes, that professor doesn’t like you. No, another class won’t fit with your schedule. It’s time to buckle up and face that this year might just not be your year.

Taurus 4/20-5/20
You most definitely need more office supplies. If you can’t fully stock an Office Depot, how do you expect to survive this year?

Gemini 5/21-6/20
That person you’ve been crushing on all week? Just ask them out. New school year, new beginnings. (Maybe some new rejection.)

Cancer 6/21-7/22
The next bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos you buy will be completely empty. Inhale that Cheeto-flavored air, Cancer. It very well may be the highlight of your week.

Leo 7/23-8/22
Your week is looking bright, Leo. On Friday morning you will be gifted with one and a half Pumpkin Spice Lattes. The missing half was consumed by a ravenous squirrel.

Virgo 8/23-9/22
You’re going to have a wild weekend, Virgo. I’m talkin’ tequila, board games, and making homemade bath bombs. Go crazy.

Libra 9/23-10/22
Double check your bank account, Libra. I have a strong suspicion that someone is going to take your credit card and go crazy at Michaels. It’s almost Halloween; identity thieves need decorations, too.

Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Scorpio, this week would be a good time to start talking to your plants. We had a meeting last night and the succulents are considering going on a strike. I don’t know the logistics.

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Gear up, it is your week in PokemonGO. You’re about to hardcore catch ‘em all. I see a Snorlax in your future, so start hunting.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19
The stars are telling me that there’s only 13 weeks left until Christmas. If I were you, I’d start reminding people about your birthday as soon as possible.

Aquarius 1/20-2/18
It’s kind of ironic that you don’t like seafood.

Pisces 2/19-3/20
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you definitely left your stove on this morning.