Humor – Page 6 – The Western Howl

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: What are the signs favorite thing(s) about the Earth?

Aries 3/21-4/19

Coca-Cola

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Whatever will get me the drunk the fastest.

Gemini 5/21-6/20

Dog water

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Mimosa, hold the champagne

Leo 7/23-8/22

We will be SOBER hit em with a limeade

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Is straight Fireball a cocktail?

Libra 9/23-10/22

Vodka in a plastic water bottle

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

rooster

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

AMF AMF AMF AMF AMF AMF CHECK OUT OUR YOUTUBE VIDEO

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Anything that i can add maraschino cherries to

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Juice … just juice

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Love me a sex on the beach 😉

The Western Howl

Home » Humor

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: What are the signs favorite thing(s) about the Earth?

Aries 3/21-4/19

My bed.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Bees ?

Gemini 5/21-6/20

Mangoes, papayas, avocados, ya know. The good stuff.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

The ocean, so help take care of it pls

Leo 7/23-8/22

Aliens visit sometimes and that’s pretty chill

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Chocolate has gotten me through a lot

Libra 9/23-10/22

I like turtles!

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

Poisonous plants are SUPER sick

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

100T co-owner Valkyrae. May her presence bless the soul of the Earth.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Plants, to put it bluntly

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Plants that eat bugs … so metal

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

That every plant has its purpose, even the weeds.

The Western Howl

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: What are the signs allergic to?

Aries 3/21-4/19

deez nuts

Taurus 4/20-5/20

b.s. i don’t need to spell it out for ya

Gemini 5/21-6/20

Bees love Geminis y’know, hope you’re prepared

Cancer 6/21-7/22

citrus

…there’s no joke, i just live a sad life without good fruit

Leo 7/23-8/22

Coffee that isn’t iced

Virgo 8/23-9/22

North Dakota

Libra 9/23-10/22

I’m allergic to huge family gatherings

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

Everyone is allergic to scorpion venom. You are no exception

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Ur mom.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Buddha flavoured holy water, for some reason it doesn’t agree with me

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

myself

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

With how stuffed my nose is… air

The Western Howl

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: The signs debate which season is the best

Aries 3/21-4/19

Of course it’s fall.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Summer because seasonal depression is real.

Gemini 5/21-6/20

Not Spring, since nature decides I can’t breathe during this time.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Summer babyyyyy (and not just because that’s when my b-day is)

Leo 7/23-8/22

Fall in Salem, Massachusetts is a vibe

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Spring so that I can take aesthetic cherry blossom pics

Libra 9/23-10/22

Fall, because the crunchy leaves bring some sense of happiness

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

Idc as long as the temp is below 69°

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Winter duh.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Winter, that’s when I’m at the top of my game

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Winter, because my crying is up 2.5% due to seasonal depression.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Spring, because I can blame my tears on pollen allergies.

The Western Howl

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Spring Quarter

Aries 3/21-4/19

I haven’t slept in 4 days.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

What day is it again?

Gemini 5/21-6/20

already dropped a class, how’s your first week going?

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Does that window open? Cuz I’m gonna jump out of it

Leo 7/23-8/22

Missed my monday classes cause I thought it was sunday owo

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I Hope This Doesn’t Awaken Something In Me.

Libra 9/23-10/22

4 cups of coffee later and i’m still not ready for syllabus week

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

You never know when crime hits. My crime was taking more than 2 classes

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

*slept through their first meeting*

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

My allergies are acting up, I have a migraine, classes already have homework due. Sounds about right.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Logged onto Canvas, saw each week was locked… never dropped a class so fast.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Already assigned 150 pages to read for next week. Yay spring.

The Western Howl

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Which class drove the signs mad?

Aries 3/21-4/19

The one with my professor that did not respond to my emails ever

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Any class with a zoom meeting during finals week

Gemini 5/21-6/20

idk what y’all are talking abt, i taught myself this term

And they didn’t pay you? Asking for a friend -Leo

Cancer 6/21-7/22

My classes were chill⏤

Leo 7/23-8/22

Shout out to the prof who just started grading stuff from week 4. Thx for making it really difficult to study for finals owo

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I’m just glad I never have to take a literature class again

Libra 9/23-10/22

The social class. I am succumbing to the pressure of maintaining multiple jobs and school. But like whoooo Spring Break ig

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

D, all of the above

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Oh, you know… that professor who decided that using McGraw-Hill’s connect was a good idea t(-.-t)

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

I won’t say names, but let’s just go with the prof who didn’t know how to do a ppt

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

F–k that class that didn’t grant an extension when i lost power

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

I don’t understand why I need to study English when I already speak it.

The Western Howl

Home » Humor

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Which signs the stars think would win the bracket?

Aries 3/21-4/19

I’d make it about halfway because I would definitely show up late

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Me.

Gemini 5/21-6/20

me AND my split personality obvi

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Aries. Come on, they have the same name as the God of War.

Leo 7/23-8/22

Rawr XD

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Sagittarius is literally a centaur with a bow and arrow

Libra 9/23-10/22

In true Libra nature, I think everyone should win participation awards. uwu

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

If I say Sag, will they spare my life and NOT shoot me?

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Fight me, b—h

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Sagittarius is prob gonna die first

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Virgo for sure, they’re psycho

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Gemini, they just have more to work with.

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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