This week in completely made up horoscopes

Aries 3/21-4/19 

i’m not even learning anything anymore what am I doing here


Taurus 4/20-5/20

brb gonna…not be here


Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Letting other people have the spotlight doesn’t mean you’re completely off stage.


Cancer 6/21-7/22

My favorite time of day is when I get to go to bed


Leo 7/23-8/22 

el gato :’((((( el gato :-(((((


Virgo 8/23-9/22

Buy yourself some flowers 🙂


Libra 9/23-10/22

there’s something special about the shame of buying off-brand


Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Why don’t you paint a little picture for yourself?


Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

dead inside but still down to party 


Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Aggressively helpful…. Not bossy.


Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

No think.


Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Get a tattoo, you deserve it