Humor

The Signs as Crayola Colors: Aries: Literally all of them Taurus: Forest green Gemini: sassy salmon Cancer: brick red  Leo: Dandelion yellow Virgo: useless white Libra: Purple Mountains’ Majesty Scorpio: Screamin’ green Sagittarius: Razzmatazz Capricorn: Tickle...

The Signs as houseplants Aries: Bird of paradise Taurus: Poinsettia  Gemini: a dead fern Cancer: a dying cactus with a singular pink flower  Leo: Marble Monstera Virgo: a fake houseplant Libra: English Ivy Scorpio: Snake plant Sagittarius: String of pearls...

The Signs as Spotify playlists Aries: 0 patience, 100% hits Taurus: Staring at the ceiling at 3 am with a bit of existential dread Gemini: midwestern emo with a bit of theatre kid Cancer: Fiona Apple ranked in order of rage.  Leo: Early 2000s club music Virgo:...

The Signs’ New Year’s resolutions Aries: Try to listen better… only if everyone agrees I’m right first Taurus: Actually socialize Gemini: become a hotter but worse person Cancer: get. it. together.   Leo: Doesn’t even bother making any, because...

The Signs over Winter Break: Aries: Spends their life savings on presents Taurus: Makes far too many baked goods Gemini: lowkey the grinch Cancer: tangled in Christmas lights 🙁   Leo: Hitting the slopes Virgo: finally gonna write that book (not really)...

What the Signs bring to Thanksgiving Aries: Literally everything Taurus: Turducken Gemini: half a bottle of wine and store-bought potato salad Cancer: The booze  Leo: The drama Virgo: a really good but weird dessert nobody’s ever had before Libra: Burnt Mac and...

The Signs as things you’d leave in an Uber Aries: a Spongebob golf ball Taurus: The phone number of their enemy Gemini: intentionally leaves behind trash they didn’t want to take care of Cancer: phone.  Leo: their friends Virgo: a pair of shoes Libra: Used...

The signs while playing Monopoly Aries: Gets into a fight with the Sagittarius Taurus: Pretends to not know what’s going on, but is actually weirdly good Gemini: “Yahtzee!” Cancer: Cheats their way to winning Leo: still deciding which piece to use because they don’t...

The Signs in High School Aries: The class clown Taurus: Major procrastinator that somehow has a 4.0 Gemini: the kid nobody likes Cancer: the “high and mighty” football player Leo: Cheer Captain Virgo: band kid for lyfe Libra: Friends with everyone, best friends with...

The Signs’ Halloween Costumes Aries: Lady Gaga dressing up as Lady Gaga Taurus: The Queen of Hearts Gemini: probably some version of Chappell Roan Cancer: An inflatable shark costume Leo: Birthday suit Virgo: Knight armor that they smithed themselves Libra: The...