The Western Howl Staff
Theme: One word stories!
Aries 3/21-4/19
Nicolas
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Cage
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Has
Cancer 6/21-7/22
The
Leo 7/23-8/22
Football
Virgo 8/23-9/22
And
Libra 9/23-10/22
He’s
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Going
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
To
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
H–l.
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Touchdown!
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
GOAL!!!
A scary but heartwarmingly funny movie in the perspective of two and a half reviewers
Allison Vanderzanden | Lifestyle Editor
Sydney Carpenter | News Editor
Rylie Horrall | Managing Editor
TW: Alcohol consumption
While it’s not the type of horror movie that’s actually scary, “Shaun of the Dead” was able to give us some good laughs for a drunk movie review. Be cautious of spoilers, and please drink responsibly.
Allison Vanderzanden | Lifestyle Editor
I’m just going to start b ysaying that I had no idea what even genre we were watching going in it was so much dry humor that i was confused because i thought we were watching a horror movie??? Sure enough it’a spooky half way through, people are dying, people are moaning and groaning and also dying, and more people are dying cuz they’re killing ebveryone. Horror movie indeed.
ANyway it actually got emotional and i looked it up and it has a 92% on rotten tomatoes??? Again, not what I expected but i must agree that the mix of horror and comedy was actually impressive ive never experienced such a movie btu it was cool. I dont think horror movies that have zombies are ever that great but like i said, it was cool. GG shaun and the dead. And liz. And the other lady who saved them. OH AND ED WHO”S STILL IN THE SHED. gg to him too. Hahhaha. Ed in the shed. New title for the movie. JK SPOILERS
Sydney Carpenter | News Editor
Welcome to part two of sydney gets drunk what a wild ride folks all i have to say is i fell a sleep during the move and have absolutely not recollection of what actually happened that right ladies gentlemen i fell asleep and i have no regrets anway from what i remmevver that actually had toilet paper evern though dead peope were weeveyr where like wtf like we ran out of toliet paper 3 dayin into a pandemic and then on top of it they didn’t even run out of power anyway im exhausted and i’ve learned my limit is two because holy moly we are not having it plz and thank you rip my tinder messages peace out girl scouts
Rylie Horrall | Managing Editor
Okay FIRST my man ed was so great, he shaped up his act and was so chillbeat th e end they played games together still!1 he was shooting zombies as a ZOMEBI thats whats the jiikd wird uhhh intraceptive? Idk but lso RIP MOOOOOMM :(((( i knew she was bitten but like SAADADA. Oh and f–k the one guy david? The four eys t–t, david i think he died and that wasnt sad, he was a d—-e so kike theswe things happen to d——-s
I actually didnt liek hate th e moveiw but i don’t think it woudlbt have the same eefect if sober, it was p bad but bad in a good terrible way, theers another i thinking which THAT wukd be fun, like did liz stay with shaun even thoug his bf is deade in the garage? Probably, shes a nice lady i liek her ans she was GOREGOEU FR NO CAP
In conclusion, rip my man ed, well be asd ab trmom as always, and f–k david d—–g
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: What are the signs favorite thing(s) about the Earth?
Aries 3/21-4/19
Coca-Cola
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Whatever will get me the drunk the fastest.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Dog water
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Mimosa, hold the champagne
Leo 7/23-8/22
We will be SOBER hit em with a limeade
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Is straight Fireball a cocktail?
Libra 9/23-10/22
Vodka in a plastic water bottle
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
rooster
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
AMF AMF AMF AMF AMF AMF CHECK OUT OUR YOUTUBE VIDEO
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Anything that i can add maraschino cherries to
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Juice … just juice
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Love me a sex on the beach 😉
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: What are the signs favorite thing(s) about the Earth?
Aries 3/21-4/19
My bed.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Bees ?
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Mangoes, papayas, avocados, ya know. The good stuff.
Cancer 6/21-7/22
The ocean, so help take care of it pls
Leo 7/23-8/22
Aliens visit sometimes and that’s pretty chill
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Chocolate has gotten me through a lot
Libra 9/23-10/22
I like turtles!
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Poisonous plants are SUPER sick
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
100T co-owner Valkyrae. May her presence bless the soul of the Earth.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Plants, to put it bluntly
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Plants that eat bugs … so metal
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
That every plant has its purpose, even the weeds.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: What are the signs allergic to?
Aries 3/21-4/19
deez nuts
Taurus 4/20-5/20
b.s. i don’t need to spell it out for ya
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Bees love Geminis y’know, hope you’re prepared
Cancer 6/21-7/22
citrus
…there’s no joke, i just live a sad life without good fruit
Leo 7/23-8/22
Coffee that isn’t iced
Virgo 8/23-9/22
North Dakota
Libra 9/23-10/22
I’m allergic to huge family gatherings
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Everyone is allergic to scorpion venom. You are no exception
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Ur mom.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Buddha flavoured holy water, for some reason it doesn’t agree with me
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
myself
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
With how stuffed my nose is… air
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: The signs debate which season is the best
Aries 3/21-4/19
Of course it’s fall.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Summer because seasonal depression is real.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Not Spring, since nature decides I can’t breathe during this time.
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Summer babyyyyy (and not just because that’s when my b-day is)
Leo 7/23-8/22
Fall in Salem, Massachusetts is a vibe
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Spring so that I can take aesthetic cherry blossom pics
Libra 9/23-10/22
Fall, because the crunchy leaves bring some sense of happiness
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Idc as long as the temp is below 69°
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Winter duh.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Winter, that’s when I’m at the top of my game
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Winter, because my crying is up 2.5% due to seasonal depression.
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Spring, because I can blame my tears on pollen allergies.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Spring Quarter
Aries 3/21-4/19
I haven’t slept in 4 days.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
What day is it again?
Gemini 5/21-6/20
already dropped a class, how’s your first week going?
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Does that window open? Cuz I’m gonna jump out of it
Leo 7/23-8/22
Missed my monday classes cause I thought it was sunday owo
Virgo 8/23-9/22
I Hope This Doesn’t Awaken Something In Me.
Libra 9/23-10/22
4 cups of coffee later and i’m still not ready for syllabus week
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
You never know when crime hits. My crime was taking more than 2 classes
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
*slept through their first meeting*
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
My allergies are acting up, I have a migraine, classes already have homework due. Sounds about right.
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Logged onto Canvas, saw each week was locked… never dropped a class so fast.
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Already assigned 150 pages to read for next week. Yay spring.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Which class drove the signs mad?
Aries 3/21-4/19
The one with my professor that did not respond to my emails ever
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Any class with a zoom meeting during finals week
Gemini 5/21-6/20
idk what y’all are talking abt, i taught myself this term
And they didn’t pay you? Asking for a friend -Leo
Cancer 6/21-7/22
My classes were chill⏤
Leo 7/23-8/22
Shout out to the prof who just started grading stuff from week 4. Thx for making it really difficult to study for finals owo
Virgo 8/23-9/22
I’m just glad I never have to take a literature class again
Libra 9/23-10/22
The social class. I am succumbing to the pressure of maintaining multiple jobs and school. But like whoooo Spring Break ig
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
D, all of the above
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Oh, you know… that professor who decided that using McGraw-Hill’s connect was a good idea t(-.-t)
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
I won’t say names, but let’s just go with the prof who didn’t know how to do a ppt
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
F–k that class that didn’t grant an extension when i lost power
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
I don’t understand why I need to study English when I already speak it.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Which signs the stars think would win the bracket?
Aries 3/21-4/19
I’d make it about halfway because I would definitely show up late
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Me.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
me AND my split personality obvi
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Aries. Come on, they have the same name as the God of War.
Leo 7/23-8/22
Rawr XD
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Sagittarius is literally a centaur with a bow and arrow
Libra 9/23-10/22
In true Libra nature, I think everyone should win participation awards. uwu
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
If I say Sag, will they spare my life and NOT shoot me?
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Fight me, b—h
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Sagittarius is prob gonna die first
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Virgo for sure, they’re psycho
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Gemini, they just have more to work with.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: What’s driving the signs mad?
Aries 3/21-4/19
Beets.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
When there aren’t any Uber Eats couriers in the area.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
a s—-y wifi connection
Cancer 6/21-7/22
A milkshake, it’s bringing all these boys to my yard and idk why
Leo 7/23-8/22
existing
Virgo 8/23-9/22
My plants keep dying and I don’t know what to do anymore
Libra 9/23-10/22
The fact that it’s March again?? Disgusting
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Shoes that look like rats
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Waiting for the WandaVision finale….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
ya know, life
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Potatoes that aren’t baked to perfection
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Most times I find the end of the term bittersweet. Not this time.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: The signs as trending twitter hashtags
Aries 3/21-4/19
#ballsdeep
Taurus 4/20-5/20
#gamersforgod
Gemini 5/21-6/20
#babysfirstlawsuit
Cancer 6/21-7/22
#jarjarbinkssithlord
Leo 7/23-8/22
#BettyWhite
Virgo 8/23-9/22
#mydearestcop
Libra 9/23-10/22
#itsajokechill
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
#pogchamp
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
#howlaboutit
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
#taylorlautnersback
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
#freebritney
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
#cry
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Random!
Aries 3/21-4/19
We used to live in an electric world
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Avatar: the Last Airbender IS anime. Argue with the wall
Gemini 5/21-6/20
hehehe
Cancer 6/21-7/22
I’m getting more depressed by the second, let’s wrap this up
Leo 7/23-8/22
I miss you debbie come back
Virgo 8/23-9/22
This is your final warning.
Libra 9/23-10/22
If I see one more WOU student that I know on my TikTok fyp I will scream
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Do: watch a cooking show
Don’t: go to school
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
F–K YOU GABI
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
sorry i was busy playing a game abt ghosts and cults, what did you say?
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
*f a l s e*
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
“I hate to say it but I think I’m getting too old”
A comedic romance in the perspective of three drunken reviewers
Kyle Morden | Head Designer
Allison Vanderzanden | Lifestyle Editor
Sydney Carpenter | News Editor
“Valentine’s Day” may not have scored high on Rotten Tomatoes, but it sure makes for a great drunk movie night. Read our full reviews in our online issue, which may contain spoilers. Please drink responsibly.
Kyle Morden | Head Designer
This needs to be put out there. If Allie doesn’t say this, SHE IS PISSING WHILE WRITING THIS>
Love, cheating, thriller, jason, harry styles, queen beyonce, and valentines day — a day full of lonely a– b—–s who somehow get a love interest by the end of the day?? EVEN THIS LITTLE A– 7 YEAR OLD GETS HIS ONWN MOTHER BACK?? “Lmao im 7 and love sick” B—H WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWSEFERSFDRSGFDRGFGFRGdfgfsjhfvsgfsjhghkjfbvdjkbfhjsdbhjvhbfhbhjvbjnkvbjnkfnk?????????fjkhsgjcgkhhbjkhjkgfbgjfhgfxhjgyibfhhsdjkbzakuhks. Btw. military families amitire? Love em. Thank god that military mom came back for her son. Btw tbh i only remember the actors name (bradley cooper hit me up)
Valentines day is a day where a lot of people get f—-d (up to your interpretation uwu)
Ok ok so “valentine’s day” a movie full of twist and turns and sharkboy and lavagirl — without the lava girl and shark. How the f–k do you get two taylors into one movie??? LET ALONE HAVE THEM DATE EACH OTHER??????????????????????
ANNIE HATHAWAT IS OKAY WITH PEOPLE WITH FETISHES, BUT BACK OFF. SHES MINE. SO IS BRADLEY COOPER — HE LOVES ME. B—H
I accidentally deleted my last paragraph, so go watch this movie yourself.
GAY COUPLES ARE THE ONLY COUPLES. ALSO DONT F—–G GROUP ALLIE WITH ME. SHES CRAZy. She said shes rolling, but idk if she means the drug or literally rolling on the floor? Dont do drugs, drink responsibly
How much do i need to type? I dont remember a word count. I KNOW HOW TO FINISH THIS.
Overall review: Let’s get naked~ uwu
Slide into my dms @_kylemorden on instagram 😉
Or contact the author at chealy16@wou.edu
Allison Vanderzanden | Lifestyle Editor
Okay first of all i was NOT too into this movie i was just having fun. MY ROOMMATE was into it tho
I would like to preface my review with the fact that i know none of the characters names, only taylor and taylor. I am inept when it comes to celebrities
Rotten tomatoes is WRONG, I had an AMAZING time watching this movie even though I was really confused. Who’s at the airport??? Whos barely legal in high school??? I could not tell you I could not
But listen. Really. It’s a fun movie to watch drunk. Tbh itd probably be Bad if I was not intoxicated. But it was cute! It was nice! There was representation! Gay men and single mums! We support them all!!! GAY BRADLEY COOPER!!!!!!!
Even through the confusion i was extremely satisfied w/ the ending. Through the MULTIPLE PG-13 sex scenes, there was still a sweet undertone where everyone got a happy ending uwu Not that I shouvlde expected ANY less from a 2010 rom com. Google “romcom drinking games” and watch this movie, you’ll have a fantastic time.
Contact the author at avanderzanden19@mail.wou.edu or don;t
Sydney Carpenter | News Editor
Okay so this what I got from this, please note this is my first time being drunk in my life. There were a lot of straight people but at some point we were gay and it was beautiful. I’m convinced all of these people were stunt doubles cause there absolutely no way all these famous people got together. The stunt doubles failed to give me wolf man and sharkboy there was sex scenes sometimes which was fine but i wasn’t really paying attention because I was busy eating my chili fries there was a little boy with a lot of angst for no reason over a cougar woman In conclustion roses are expensive af, and this mans was throwing them in the lake to feed ducks and thats acceptable. THE MILITARY MOM CAME BACK AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. Im going to bed
Dont email me, i wont’ reply email thank you
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Romantic Advice!
Aries 3/21-4/19
Gyrating hips.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Have you read Killing Stalking? It had a lot of helpful tips
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Don’t change who you are as a person just to please a crush
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Sometimes, in life and in love, risks must be taken.
Leo 7/23-8/22
Find a sugar daddy on Omegle and call it a day
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Romance is dead. Lie in your grave
Libra 9/23-10/22
Idk Mercury is in retrograde or something, good luck I guess
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Honestly just shoot your shot, the worst thing that can happen is they say ‘no,’ right?
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
get drunk and watch a movie with your partner, RESPONSIBLY
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
You don’t have to be in a relationship right now to know your self worth, let life progress naturally. You might be surprised what comes your way.
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Listen to boyfriend ASMR in the dark and pretend that you’re not lonely
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Most times love will lead to tears. I cry everyday anyway so it’s worth the risk.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Stressing Tips / How To Stress
Aries 3/21-4/19
Call your parents and tell them you’re pregnant
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Get married at 21
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Run through various scenarios in your head that’re completely implausible
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Forget about your midterms until 4 hours before they’re due
Leo 7/23-8/22
Take a depression nap and leave all your work till the last minute
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Unfocus your eyes and look into a corner. The faceless old woman will appear.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Be a student at WOU. Work multiple jobs for minimum wage. Call it good.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Realise you hate your major but can’t change it
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Make a mess or something
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Personally, I’m a sucker for losing really important items
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Look at your bank account
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Energy drinks are not breakfast.
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: De-stressing tips!
Aries 3/21-4/19
A clean work space equates to a clean mind
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Sleep, just go to sleep.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
go for a run or walk, the pain u feel in ur lungs will make u forget abt stress 🙂
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Take a break from your tasks to do something you love
Leo 7/23-8/22
Spray some oils
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Dig a hole in your garden. You know what to do next :D.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Honestly just sit in an empty room and scream. Or it can be a full room. Doesn’t matter.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Meditate for an hour or so
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Go out and experience nature. Maybe be one with nature? Meow?
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Eat a gallon of ice cream (unless you’re lactose intolerant then idk)
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
I hear breaking things is all the rage right now
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
Cry (no literally, it actually helps to release your stress)
The Western Howl Staff
Chicken Nuggets or Tenders?
Aries ⏤ 69 cents for chicken nuggets.
Taurus ⏤ Yes.
Gemini ⏤ One of each obviously
Cancer ⏤ Nuggets
Leo ⏤ Why, are you buying?
Virgo ⏤ What Scorpio said.
Libra ⏤ The ones from Lunchables
Scorpio ⏤ Nuggets, dino ones specifically. Anything else is subpar.
Sagittarius ⏤ raw????? uwu
Capricorn ⏤ Tenders FTW
Aquarius ⏤ b r e a s t
Pisces ⏤ nuggets with honey mustard 10/10
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Things Joe Biden would say
Aries 3/21-4/19
That’s what I love about highschoolers. I get older, they stay the same age.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
I’m not racist because I’m friends with the Obama’s. They’re very clean.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Catch me on the YouTube livestreaming the inauguration
Cancer 6/21-7/22
I would say
Leo 7/23-8/22
That’s all folks
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Don’t play games with me, kid.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Just Biden tings uwu rawr XD
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Finally, my dogs can live like royalty
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
HI OBAMA I MADE IT
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Forgetting is the greatest ability we have
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
We did it, folks
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
I’m getting teary eyed at the possibilities.
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Do you mind? I’m trying to sleep
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Cats or dogs, which is better? Argue amongst yourselves
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Maybe if you look at some moss balls you’ll be less evil
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Does that window open? Cuz I’m gonna jump out of it
Leo 7/23-8/22
I need to wash my masks not give y’all life advice
Virgo 8/23-9/22
a tubular optical instrument containing lenses and mirrors by which an observer obtains an otherwise obstructed field of view
Libra 9/23-10/22
At this point, I feel like an undercover participant in “60 Days In.”
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
just thought i’d let you know, i’ve been evil since i turned 15
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
I liek tortles
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Sagittarius be looking sus today, they think australian shepherds are cats
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
*shrug* (i’ll prob change this don’t put it in)
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
“You will be very rich and famous this week”
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Is that an expired COVID vaccine in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Taurus 4/20-5/20
2021 is 2012 backwards but at least this time I’m prepared to die
Gemini 5/21-6/20
what’s your favorite absurd way to package wine? mine’s canned
Cancer 6/21-7/22
*claps hands with Libra*
Leo 7/23-8/22
Just send them to the Bermuda Triangle and we won’t have these problems anymore
Virgo 8/23-9/22
a tubular optical instrument containing lenses and mirrors by which an observer obtains an otherwise obstructed field of view
Libra 9/23-10/22
If you’re about to spend the stimulus money on things you don’t need and you know it, clap your hands!
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
I can drink (responsibly) now
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Glad we’re still in the peppermint mocha stage of seasonal beverages
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
nobody:
absolutely nobody:
pharmacist: destroys 500 vaccines because just anyone can be a pharmacist
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
The amount of serotonin I get from drinking out of odd shaped mugs is unnatural.
WESTERN OREGON UNIVERSITY
345 Monmouth Ave. N.
Monmouth OR 97361
503-838-8000 | 1-877-877-1593