Mount Hood

This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Prepare… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] ‘Tis almost your time… watch out gemini [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] No one can trust Taurus rn. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] When you cry, you sound like the opening beat of Roddy Ricch’s “The Box.” Basically, stop. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Why is chickadee crossroads…? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Lemme celebrate my half birthday in peace. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] f–k i forgot to do this [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] It’s easy to forget how good banana bread is, try to remember. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Read page 9. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] First it was us v. Sagittarius. Now it’s Taurus v. Gemini. This should be entertaining. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Don’t cry, craft! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] It’s ok if your life is currently a dumpster fire because at least it’s gonna start raining for the next two weeks straight !  [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] AYYY BEP BEP BEP BEP BEP BEP. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Just give up already, not working anyway. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Dude, Gemini’s and their little rat fingers. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] Be more like Obi-Wan. Take the high ground. Be the high ground. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] How does take to screw lightbulb in.      25.63 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] I scream, you scream, we all scream. Everyone’s incompetent. Dick Cheney made money off the Iraq War. Stars. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Have you heard of the Giant Salamander? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Better out than in I say. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] BIG BOTO [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Do you hAve any moRE AlmOnd mIIILLLLk? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Look out. I’ll eat a pig any way, any day. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Don’t let this sunshine deceive you. It’s still like -30 degrees outside. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Round 1: FIGHT [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] You may think that was a good idea, but be honest with yourself… it most surely was not. Have fun fixing it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] You want some advice? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] An apple a day keeps the doctor away; an apple aimed at his head keeps him away for life. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Don’t let yourself get overshadowed by the DiCaprios and DiVincis of the world… can’t all be special. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] 🙁 Virgo, you’re the snack that DOESN’T smile back, and that’s ok 🙂 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Take some time to relax Libra. Maybe grab some popcorn, place some bets, and watch the Sagittarii v Capricorns fight it out. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] It’s okay, Spring Break is only 54 days away. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Attack any capricorn you see today 🙂 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Be safe, you’ll probably get attacked by a sagittarius today. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Inserting yourself into the Sag v Cap situation will definitely make it better 🙂 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Steer clear of both Sagittariuses and Capricorns this week. Both are crazy tbh. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] The stars have a message for Leo : you’re not my dad. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Oh, you know, just checking if gravity still works… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Did you see that fight last week? Put 20 bucks on Pisces winning this week if you feel like making bank Gemini. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] “Does anyone have any orange slices?” [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Capricorns like to think they’re spicy, but their words hold no weight. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Sometimes your S/O has to stop drunk you from jumping out of the car to pet deer and you know what? I love that for you. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Spell “attic” lmaoooooo

Kyle stfu don’t judge me

Can we leave this

Of course [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Did you hear what Taurus said about you? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Pisces: ¿It’s my birthday?

Leo: I’m your dad.

The Northwest Passage Editor-in-Chief: hi

The REAL Northwest Passage Editor-in-Chief: Why [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Watch out for Pisces and Leo, now they’re on the chopping block this week [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Aquarius, today is a good day to bet on a fight Double down, all in, push it to the max! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] THat’s one a sPICy a meatball [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] 3 day weekends are great, until you spontaneously watch all of the Star Wars movies and now you’re behind 3 readings, 7 assignments, and 2 Papers… May the Force be with you, Aries. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Cats don’t jump, they small… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] The Stars have dIpPeD [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] We should start calling Oregon residents Organisms. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] The Stars no advice for you, Leos. Figure it out, man. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] You’ve known that Persephone was the heroine since before it was cool. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Turn up [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Remember when you were a kid and all you wanted to do was grow up, and now the thought of being a proper adult is absolutely nauseating. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] …aaaaaaaaaa yeet [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Make sure you get that extra shot of espresso in your coffee, you’re going to need it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] It’s the star’s birthday today… You forgot, didn’t you? Sigh. Well, it’s okay, I know you were too busy reading and working six weeks ahead to notice… Even more dramatic sigh. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Brb catch me trying to mentally get over the fact that it’s literally Week 3 already and I still feel like I’m on break?? [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Okay, so out of my 326 News Years Resolutions, only about 2 are do-able, but then like who cares about resolutions anyway ?? I do what I want !! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] You’re a bull, not an octopus, don’t try to do so many things at once… So what if you fail right… NOT [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Scorpios were put into this world to create obstacles for you. So if you get into a fight with a Scorpio, no one will blame you. 😉 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] My New Years resolution was to be a more responsible student. But so far I’ve dropped a class and skipped the other two. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Is your class workload overwhelming you? …lol rip go do your homework [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] “WE WERE ON A BREAAAKKKK,” you scream, but it’s week 2 of classes and have you ever really taken a break in your life? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] 2020 is turning out to be more like 2019 II [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Does it feel like 2020 is gonna be your year? That’s cute. No really — adorable. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] New year, same you. Who says you have to change? Keep being your beautiful self. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] No one : 

Me : Hey, did you know “?!” is called an interobang ?! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] It’s not too late to add a new class to your schedule! Or maybe it is? I’m not the expert. Don’t ask me. STOP talking ABOUT IT! [/fruitful_tab]

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From the humor section: Booze and reviews of “Mother!”

Compiled by The Western Howl 21+ staff

Halloween is just around the corner, and to get ourselves ready for all the horror, four 21+ staff members decided to sit down and write our absolute honest reviews of a psychological thriller we hadn’t seen before, “Mother!” (2017). And in order for it to be really honest, we had to be a little tipsy.

These reviews were only edited for clarity and appropriateness, so get ready to enjoy our super-tipsy and very sincere thoughts.This film deals with sensitive themes centered around religion, Christianity and the mistreatment of women. Remember that these reviews are the opinions of the reviewers and do not reflect the opinions of The Western Howl. 

Please remember to drink responsibly.

 

Caity:

Climat change is real, folks. And “Mother!” wants you to know it! So basically, this movie is about Jennifer Lawernece’s worst day ever. She has a house that she worked SO hard on, and her husband (who is trash) continually makes everything hard for her. He lets literally anyone into the home (as long as they worship him… hint hint) even if it makes life hard for her. 

So here’s the thing about this film; if you don’t know a lot about Christianity, you really won’t know much about the movie. I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know a ton, but like I kinda got my way through it enough to figure out what was happening. Like, there was a LOT of biblical references. But the whole time you pretty much just want to punch the husband in the face and want to give Jennifer Lawrence a hug. Poor Jenny. This shiz is rough for her.

Overall, I’d say what??? Was that??? And I don’t even think I would understand it IF I was sober. But I can fairly certainly say it was good. Also Kristen Wiig made an appearance and that made me :D!! 

So if you wanna watch it it’s on Hulu. It’ll make you feel bad about how you treat Mother Earth. Like, real bad.

 

Hannah:

Mother! A movie that makes my opinion a fact; religion has f—-d up this earth in a lot of ways and continues to. 

With Him being the “creator” using Mother (our Earth) until her death, just to start all over again in pure selfishness and greed. The creator (god, yes a lowercase g) just takes and takes to please his followers — the followers who only want their sins forgiven instead of facing reality b—-. The directors did an excellent way of portraying how messed up religion and it’s followers are to Mother Earth. Straws, created by religion to help destroy the poor turtles. Plastic bags, created by religion to clog the stomachs of animals. Apparently the Devil is bad and evil, but at least he created some sweet a– lettuce… Thanks for all the dank salad dude, you rock! 

 

Sage

I’m sad. Men should watch this movie. Women –watch at your own risk because it could trigger you a lot. I feel like being drunk isn’t a good thing for this movie – mostly because I feel like I can’t do the themes and social commentary justice. There are so many variables here regarding the symbolism. Basically, religion bad (sorry), women are always the ones who suffer (it’s true) and in the end, everybody is f—-d over because of it. AND IT NEVER F—–G CHANGES, Ya’ll don’t do S–T. Ya’ll, it aint that deep, but also it really is.

Anyways, this movie will give you a headache. You have to pay attention but the cinematography makes that difficult as the camera angles shift at every second. It will give you a headache. At first I was like, DANG THIS IS SOME GOOD WRITING. And at the end I was still DANG THIS IS SOME GOOD WRITING but with a side of, hmmm…I want to cut off the heads of the bougwazie (I KNOW THAT’S NOT HOW YOU SPELL IT) and you know that scene in Forrest Gump when Leuitenant Dan wants to fight god and hes screaming at the top of the mast…same? But less chaotic and more just…sad. Sadly fighting god. 

And that’s it, that’s the movie. Profiting off of women’s trauma. HMMMMMM. 

 

Rachel: 

(Managing Editor’s note: Rachel gave more of a play-by-play, so read simply for your enjoyment… and your confusion.)

kats seeing an older creepy man. Some tea? b—- he dont want no drink stop. shes making it anyways. 

Pregnant or pregnot? He didnt want nno tea but they gave it to him anywats, and he didnt watnt to stay the night but htey made him like d–n stop being so controlling. girls got hella linens. why all these old men with young girls? get yo wrinkles outta here. hes working on a new piece.she is unhappy in her marriage b—h leave him youre so young and pretty he is bad for you  get out of othat relationshio you can do so much better.

“Thought you might like some lemonade” *slams lemonade onto table and asks for pain pills* ?? what a b—-h. let this girl work on her wall damn. They goin on a “hike” 😉 ohh hes ‘a nature boy” 😉 oh no toilet broke . ewwwww its like a s–t squid. OMG IS IT THE BABY

?????????????????????????????????????????????????he is supposed to be god.  is she mother earth?? she givin birth now.  oh no. baby is gonre. She crying 🙁 they killed him. theyre eating the baby. good b—h you kill them go go go. WAit hes taking her to the beginning?? is this abotu god failing? Oh shes not her anymore. AHES THE CRYSTAL W T F  O MG . YOU GOTTA KNOW RELIGION FOR THIS MOVIE D–N.Read thr bible before you watch this

good night love tou ALL.