Humor – Page 11 – The Western Howl

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Halloween / Horror

Aries 3/21-4/19

Wait … what’s that behind you?

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Nothing can scare you when you’re already dead.

Gemini 5/21-6/20

I’ve got something that’ll scare you: 4 midterms on the SAME DAY

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Kxpdq vrgd, L’p jrqqd gulqn lw olnh d shuvrq. (Caesar)

Leo 7/23-8/22

Week five -shiver-

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Believe in the power of the Mothman.

Libra 9/23-10/22

BOO

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

The real treasure is the demons we bring home from the journey

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

I wonder if squirrels can haunt you… I wish I was a squirrel.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

I have a message from the ghost that’s been following me since I was 12: he says ‘boo!’

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Spooky scary midterms send shivers down your mind.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

The only scary thing about halloween that I enjoy are the zombie shaped chocolates.

The Western Howl

Home » Humor

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Aries 3/21-4/19

Gang gang.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Just … go back to sleep.

Gemini 5/21-6/20

haven’t had coffee yet, pls don’t talk to me

Cancer 6/21-7/22

“I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”

Leo 7/23-8/22

Out on lunch break, will be back next week

Virgo 8/23-9/22

As the days get shorter, you become your true self. Embrace the dark, baby.

Libra 9/23-10/22

No <3

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

Some fish can walk out of water, but will they climb trees?

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Hey, I hope you have a wonderful day — you deserve it! Get out there and DEVOUR SOME AVOCADOS.

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Go to bed early tonight, treat yourself to at least 8 hours of sleep 🙂

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Is it just me, or is my FBI man listening a little too well?

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Go ahead and buy that extra sticker for your water bottle. You deserve it.

The Western Howl

Home » Humor

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Aries 3/21-4/19

Who else is getting up at 6 a.m. to run? Just me?

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Let’s not and say we did…

Gemini 5/21-6/20

Yeah, no I’m going back to bed, later.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Morsmordre!

Leo 7/23-8/22

FABULOUS JUST FABULOUS

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Mercury is not in retrograde. You can blame Earth for your problems.

Libra 9/23-10/22

Have a lovely cup of tea and talk with a stranger

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

No Scorp…io

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Contact the author at smartinez17@wou.edu

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Salad is just a vehicle for croutons, thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Don’t mind me, just going to go casually have a breakdown in the men’s room, thanks.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

“Suck it up and ask for help” – E.M. 2020

The Western Howl

Home » Humor

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Aries 3/21-4/19

Sometimes staying up until 3am watching docuseries isn’t the best idea but go off.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Astrology isn’t a lie and you should continue arguing with your parents about it. #fightthegoodfight

Gemini 5/21-6/20

*eats popcorn while watching Taurus fight with their parents*

Cancer 6/21-7/22

We’ve come to burgle your turts.

Leo 7/23-8/22

My apocalypse bingo card has a bingo, what do I win?

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I’ll be going back to bed after morning Zoom meetings and you should too

Libra 9/23-10/22

If the stars align right hopefully I’ll be a millionaire by the 22nd

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

Excuse me while I avoid my class meetings so I can continue to binge Netflix shows

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

LET ME OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT pls 🙂 oh and don’t listen to capricorn 🙂

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Welcome back everyone, good to see you. Oh wait ⏤ waiting…??????? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Side note: sagittarius is lying, you should def listen 🙂

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Listen to a Virgo this week, for they are wise [(－－)]..zzZ

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Hey there delilah what’s it like there in 2021? Im 3 months away but tonight you look so pretty…

The Western Howl

Home » Humor

This week in completely made up horoscopes

[fruitful_tabs type=”accordion” width=”100%” fit=”false”]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Time to start my year-long backpacking adventure across the wilds of New Mexico! See ya on the flipside ∠(￣^￣) [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] What do you get when you mix a ladybug, a rabbit and a lizard?

Who knows, but I definitely do want to see it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] I have no idea what day it is. I stay up until 6 a.m. working, go to bed, and then wake up at 2 p.m. to start the cycle again. Is today Friday? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] You’ve got that emotional sauce, man.

Go protest. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] When life gives you lemons, give them back and say you want coffee [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] How do I avoid stress? I just don’t write it down. If I don’t write it down, I don’t do it. And if I don’t do it, I don’t stress about it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Bye [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] I should’ve known better. The year never ends easy. Good luck to everyone else. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] PLS DON’T LEAVE ME. I’M GOING TO MISS YOU. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] My mind has snapped like a stale breadstick. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] I’d say I’ve already left the building, but I’m scared to go outside… hold me. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Time to sleep through the entirety of summer bc I’m exhausted af. [/fruitful_tab]

[/fruitful_tabs]

The Western Howl

Home » Humor

This week in completely made up horoscopes

[fruitful_tabs type=”accordion” width=”100%” fit=”false”]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Duck! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Have you heard how people have been spotting fairies and unicorns…? Yeah me neither. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Welcome to rat season, sorry, Gemini season. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] We’re all just the Cabbage man from “Avatar.”

By the way. Go watch it. It’s on Netflix now. You have no excuses. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Duck! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Oh, Worm. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Im a zebra [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Wait, I didn’t realize that my online classes weren’t optional. Rough. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Sagittarius will be gone this week. Hello, my name is kaiyo and here’s my message for you, “I’m going to hydro flask you.” [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] *hears classes will be online next term* nO NO you put that sentence back in your mouth. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Goose!

Ew, why did I just do that? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Please excuse me as I watch ten straight hours of “Gilmore Girls” and pretend that this term is over already. [/fruitful_tab]

[/fruitful_tabs]

The Western Howl

Home » Humor

This week in completely made up horoscopes

[fruitful_tabs type=”accordion” width=”100%” fit=”false”]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] I’m having me time, get out. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] A great way to achieve some peace and quiet to get what you need done… Don’t do it, let it be and continue your procrastination. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] There are no rules in quarantine except for one. Block block block your ex and never text them again. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] So you’ve started writing poems in your Notes app … you know there’s no coming back from that, right? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Oops *moans* [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Why is “Gravity Falls” only two seasons! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″]Wait what? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Just so we’re all on the same page, flying spiders were a thing in Texas three years ago. But they might come back.. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Who knew that eating chocolate frosting could be such great exercise? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Sorry, it’s week eight and I’m not feeling this, sayonara [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Advice, brought to you by iPhone predictive text: If I don’t wanna go get back with ya, lol. I’m sorry about that. Your email is not working. [/fruitful_tab]

[/fruitful_tabs]

Western Oregon University’s Land Acknowledgement
Western Oregon University in Monmouth, OR is located within the traditional homelands of the Luckiamute Band of Kalapuya. Following the Willamette Valley Treaty of 1855 (Kalapuya etc. Treaty), Kalapuya people were forcibly removed to reservations in Western Oregon. Today, living descendants of these people are a part of the Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde Community of Oregon and the Confederated Tribes of the Siletz Indians.

Accessibility Public Records Privacy Student Consumer Information

WOU prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, sex, national or ethnic origin, age, religion, marital status, disability, veteran status, sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression in all programs, activities and employment practices as required by Title IX, other applicable laws, and policies. Retaliation is prohibited by WOU.

This week in completely made up HORRORscopes

This week in completely made up horoscopes

This week in completely made up horoscopes

This week in completely made up horoscopes

This week in completely made up horoscopes

This week in completely made up horoscopes

This week in completely made up horoscopes

Tools

Resources