Mount Hood

This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] You? ME? Who? We! 

I’m okay, I swear. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Twizzlers solve everything, especially in an apocalypse, so stock up. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Virgo is just out here to rip your heart out. If you know, you know. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] You guys realize the government just confirmed that aliens exist, right? You guys realize that, right? RIGHT?! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Man, Aquarius really said we live in a society. ¦¬) [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] It’s only the matter of time before our government executes Order 66. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] God’s Plague Inc score must be off the charts [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] I’ll fight an alien, I don’t care. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] STREAM SAVAGE REMIX BY MEGAN THEE STALLION (FEAT. BEYONCÉ). [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Check in with any Cancers you know today (I think they’re going a little nuts). [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Maybe we are the virus [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] You ever wonder if we’re all just Sims in a really, really wild game of Sims 2: Double Deluxe? [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

 

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] What’s a sleep schedule? I wake up and I pass out when I want!! You don’t control me (ง’̀-‘́)ง [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Don’t get your horns in a wad… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] To that one professor who is acting like the world isn’t ending, I hope you run out of toilet paper. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] I’m so bored, the Duolingo owl hasn’t even had to threaten me lately. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] HOI. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] John Oliver is our lord and savior. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] I like looking at big numbers [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Honestly, you shouldn’t be surprised at this point. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] TESTICULAR MASS. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] My new schedule has me drinking my third cup of coffee by 11 a.m., but hey, such is life. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] We asked 100 college students are you Survivin’, Thrivin’, Dyin’? 

Number 1 answer: I have 15 assignments due on Sunday, you do the math. No seriously, please do my math homework. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] My name is Jerry. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscope

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Wake up 3 minutes before Zoom class. No exceptions. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] I’m zooming out…bye [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Just like how professors knew you were texting in class, professors know you’re playing Animal Crossing on your switch during Zoom. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] I wish my Zoom meeting would get hacked by someone interesting … like Jeff Goldblum and his astounding lesbian energy. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] lol [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] What Sag said…Good luck. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] zoooooooooooooooooooOOOOOooOOOO00O000ooonm

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[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] It’s okay to wear no pants when you’re Zooming, they can’t see much anyways. Be comfortable in these uncomfortable times. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] I have no zoom meetings this term, so idk what to tell y’all. Good luck? lmao. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Pro tip: make yourself look sad during your Zoom meeting so the professor won’t call on you. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] You think Zoom is only for class? Amateur. I use it to hold my daily sob sessions with my cry guys. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Zoom? Zoom who? The only “Zoom” I know is the PBS series I used to watch as a kid. Best part of my day. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Prepare… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] ‘Tis almost your time… watch out gemini [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] No one can trust Taurus rn. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] When you cry, you sound like the opening beat of Roddy Ricch’s “The Box.” Basically, stop. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Why is chickadee crossroads…? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Lemme celebrate my half birthday in peace. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] f–k i forgot to do this [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] It’s easy to forget how good banana bread is, try to remember. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Read page 9. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] First it was us v. Sagittarius. Now it’s Taurus v. Gemini. This should be entertaining. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Don’t cry, craft! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] It’s ok if your life is currently a dumpster fire because at least it’s gonna start raining for the next two weeks straight !  [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] AYYY BEP BEP BEP BEP BEP BEP. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Just give up already, not working anyway. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Dude, Gemini’s and their little rat fingers. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] Be more like Obi-Wan. Take the high ground. Be the high ground. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] How does take to screw lightbulb in.      25.63 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] I scream, you scream, we all scream. Everyone’s incompetent. Dick Cheney made money off the Iraq War. Stars. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Have you heard of the Giant Salamander? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Better out than in I say. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] BIG BOTO [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Do you hAve any moRE AlmOnd mIIILLLLk? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Look out. I’ll eat a pig any way, any day. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Don’t let this sunshine deceive you. It’s still like -30 degrees outside. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Round 1: FIGHT [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] You may think that was a good idea, but be honest with yourself… it most surely was not. Have fun fixing it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] You want some advice? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] An apple a day keeps the doctor away; an apple aimed at his head keeps him away for life. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Don’t let yourself get overshadowed by the DiCaprios and DiVincis of the world… can’t all be special. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] 🙁 Virgo, you’re the snack that DOESN’T smile back, and that’s ok 🙂 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Take some time to relax Libra. Maybe grab some popcorn, place some bets, and watch the Sagittarii v Capricorns fight it out. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] It’s okay, Spring Break is only 54 days away. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Attack any capricorn you see today 🙂 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Be safe, you’ll probably get attacked by a sagittarius today. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Inserting yourself into the Sag v Cap situation will definitely make it better 🙂 [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Steer clear of both Sagittariuses and Capricorns this week. Both are crazy tbh. [/fruitful_tab]

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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] The stars have a message for Leo : you’re not my dad. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Oh, you know, just checking if gravity still works… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Did you see that fight last week? Put 20 bucks on Pisces winning this week if you feel like making bank Gemini. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] “Does anyone have any orange slices?” [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Capricorns like to think they’re spicy, but their words hold no weight. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Sometimes your S/O has to stop drunk you from jumping out of the car to pet deer and you know what? I love that for you. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Spell “attic” lmaoooooo

Kyle stfu don’t judge me

Can we leave this

Of course [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Did you hear what Taurus said about you? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Pisces: ¿It’s my birthday?

Leo: I’m your dad.

The Northwest Passage Editor-in-Chief: hi

The REAL Northwest Passage Editor-in-Chief: Why [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Watch out for Pisces and Leo, now they’re on the chopping block this week [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Aquarius, today is a good day to bet on a fight Double down, all in, push it to the max! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] THat’s one a sPICy a meatball [/fruitful_tab]

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