To get ourselves ready for the upcoming Feb. 14 holiday, three 21+ staff members decided to write our completely honest reviews of a romantic film that we had hardly heard of: “They Came Together” (2014). In order to make our reviews as honest as possible, we decided to do it while being not-so-sober.

These reviews were only edited for clarity and appropriateness, so get ready to enjoy our super-tipsy and very sincere thoughts.

Please remember to drink responsibly.

Caity Healy | Editor-in-Chief

Okay so I just finished watching “They Came Together” and some thoughts! While I was watching the movie I decided to take some notes to make sure I could recollect my thoughts when all was done so, here are my thoughts on this film.

First of all, that movie was too self-aware for its own good. Like okay, I feel bad dissing on an Amy Poehler and Paul Rudd movie, but like, it felt like a rom-com version of “Scary Movie,” or like a worse version of “Wet Hot American Summer” (which, to be clear, I love that movie). I don’t even know how to explain what that means, but like you have to watch the movie to fully understand.

At one point, Judge Judy made a cameo? I was literally like “question mark”. And I can’t really remember everything but I do remember that Paul Rudd at one point said, “greEEN beans!” and I laughed so hard that I spit my drink out. So maybe this movie was actually funny to be honest but who knows. Oh also! John Stamos and Adam Scott made a cameo, and that was a good time. It was literally like a two second cameo, but I’ll never turn down a cameo from either of them.

This film was a whirlwind. For anyone that chooses to watch it, expect to laugh, expect to ask yourself, “excuse me, what?”, and expect there to be TWO Benjamin Franklin cameos. TWO. Sometimes you’ll be so confused by what’s going on you’ll literally feel like you’re in some kind of dream. Like what? I swear, I’m not sure if it’s the AMF/multiple Jell-O shots remembering for me but I swear that at one point it repeated the same thing like at least 10 times.

Overall, this was honestly a good choic3 to watch for a Valentine’s Day movie. It wasn’t like every other rom-com. Well, it was, but it was different. It was the same as all of those other movies in a sarcastic way. So, give it a watch. If you don’t like the movie at the very least you’ll get to see Paul Rudd.

Contact the author at chealy16@wou.edu

Rebecca Meyers | Lifestyle Editor

Introducing: one of those satire movies to watch just to waste time tbh. Like watching an hour and a half of The Onion.

I guess there should be specifics: basically it’s a parody of every rom-com ever featuring Amy Poehler and Paul Rudd. That’s right, Leslie Knope and Bobby Newport from “Parks and Recreation.” Except imagine Leslie is more on Bobby Newport’s level.

Okay so a few minutes in and I’m thinking, “was this made in Monsanto cause it’s soooooo corny.” But it quickly becomes clear it’s meant to be satire, which is a good thing to realize because you WILL cringe at some point in this movie unless you’re one of those people that exclusively watches comedies that try too hard and have become immune to that kind of thing.  

It starts out with Rudd and Poehler dating different people — Rudd is dating Robin from “How I Met Your Mother” — actually no, Molly (Poehler) just broke up but basically same thing cause Rudd is ‘boutta break up too. You see where this is going right.

Basically just picture the most basic rom-com plot. They live in New York — surprise effing surprise — then date, then break up, then get back together in the most dramatic way imaginable. Sidenote: imaginable is hard to spell while drunk. But it’s like a really weird trip with an extra dash of that one satire comedy tool where they’re overly specific instead of talking like normal people (Ex: “If I were to be about to marry someone and then not want to marry them I’d go to the Brooklyn Promenade.”) Also, white supremacists appear and whatshisface played by Paul Rudd is the only one who seems to think that’s effed up.

My only takeaways: the one scene where the bartender just repeats the same line over and over and it’s literally the worst and just gave me violent flashbacks of the one kid in class who hadn’t bothered to come to a class ‘til like week three forcing us to listen while the professor had to repeat the same concept to them; the actually surprising plot twist feat. Judge Judy; and of course, “ALL HAIL JOEL.”

Contact the author at rmeyers17@wou.edu

Chrys Weedon | Entertainment Editor

Okay so “what the f*** is up Kyle?” “They Came Together” is the blockbuster of this sentury. Communism, gay, and AMMMMYMYY POEHLER. Too bad there’s white supremacists.

There’s a black best friend too, which I think is a racist stereotype. Also white supremacists? There are some white supremacists in there. There’s also a man named Eggman and he cries.

This movie obviously glorifies capitalism. Yuck. Something goes zooooommmm and I only know that because of the very extensive and professional notes I took. It was like Amy Poehler and all her friends got together and downed a gallon NyQuil and set aside two hours and made a film.

White supremacists. 🙁

Men are dumb and they play football at one point. I mean, that’s all you need to know about this film.

The movie is really unrealistic because someone owns a candy store and no one is ever in it. How does she pay her bills? How does she support her son? Oh yeah, she has a son, but he’s never around and his dad is a felon. So, really, this movie glorifies an irresponsible parenting style. Wow.

Paul Rudd and his hamburgies. And his green beans. He truly is an American classic.

For a second i thought that it would turn gay when Amy’s character kisses her best friend. To my chagrin, it did not turn gay. In fact, in turned more straight. LET THEM BE GAY. GIVE ME A GAY AMY POEHLER.

Also the whole time you expect the “Parks and Recreation” theme to start playing. We all know that song is a banger.

In summary: white supremacists, Paul Rudd, eggs.

Contact the author at cweedon16@wou.edu