Mount Hood

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Spring Quarter

Aries 3/21-4/19  

I haven’t slept in 4 days.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

What day is it again?

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

already dropped a class, how’s your first week going?

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Does that window open? Cuz I’m gonna jump out of it

Leo 7/23-8/22

Missed my monday classes cause I thought it was sunday owo

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I Hope This Doesn’t Awaken Something In Me.

Libra 9/23-10/22

4 cups of coffee later and i’m still not ready for syllabus week

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

You never know when crime hits. My crime was taking more than 2 classes

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

*slept through their first meeting*

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

My allergies are acting up, I have a migraine, classes already have homework due. Sounds about right.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Logged onto Canvas, saw each week was locked… never dropped a class so fast.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Already assigned 150 pages to read for next week. Yay spring.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Which class drove the signs mad?

Aries 3/21-4/19  

The one with my professor that did not respond to my emails ever

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Any class with a zoom meeting during finals week

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

idk what y’all are talking abt, i taught myself this term

And they didn’t pay you? Asking for a friend -Leo

Cancer 6/21-7/22

My classes were chill⏤

Leo 7/23-8/22

Shout out to the prof who just started grading stuff from week 4. Thx for making it really difficult to study for finals owo

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I’m just glad I never have to take a literature class again

Libra 9/23-10/22

The social class. I am succumbing to the pressure of maintaining multiple jobs and school. But like whoooo Spring Break ig 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

D, all of the above

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Oh, you know… that professor who decided that using McGraw-Hill’s connect was a good idea t(-.-t)

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

I won’t say names, but let’s just go with the prof who didn’t know how to do a ppt

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

F–k that class that didn’t grant an extension when i lost power

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

I don’t understand why I need to study English when I already speak it.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Which signs the stars think would win the bracket?

Aries 3/21-4/19  

I’d make it about halfway because I would definitely show up late

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Me.

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

me AND my split personality obvi

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Aries. Come on, they have the same name as the God of War.

Leo 7/23-8/22

Rawr XD

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Sagittarius is literally a centaur with a bow and arrow

Libra 9/23-10/22

In true Libra nature, I think everyone should win participation awards. uwu

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

If I say Sag, will they spare my life and NOT shoot me?

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Fight me, b—h

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Sagittarius is prob gonna die first

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Virgo for sure, they’re psycho

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Gemini, they just have more to work with.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: What’s driving the signs mad?

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Beets.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

When there aren’t any Uber Eats couriers in the area. 

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

a s—-y wifi connection 

Cancer 6/21-7/22

A milkshake, it’s bringing all these boys to my yard and idk why

Leo 7/23-8/22

existing

Virgo 8/23-9/22

My plants keep dying and I don’t know what to do anymore

Libra 9/23-10/22

The fact that it’s March again?? Disgusting

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Shoes that look like rats

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Waiting for the WandaVision finale….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

ya know, life

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Potatoes that aren’t baked to perfection

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Most times I find the end of the term bittersweet. Not this time.

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: The signs as trending twitter hashtags

Aries 3/21-4/19  

#ballsdeep

Taurus 4/20-5/20

#gamersforgod

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

#babysfirstlawsuit

Cancer 6/21-7/22

#jarjarbinkssithlord

Leo 7/23-8/22

#BettyWhite

Virgo 8/23-9/22

#mydearestcop

Libra 9/23-10/22

#itsajokechill

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

#pogchamp

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

#howlaboutit

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

#taylorlautnersback

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

#freebritney

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

#cry

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Random!

Aries 3/21-4/19  

We used to live in an electric world

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Avatar: the Last Airbender IS anime. Argue with the wall

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

hehehe

Cancer 6/21-7/22

I’m getting more depressed by the second, let’s wrap this up

Leo 7/23-8/22

I miss you debbie come back

Virgo 8/23-9/22

This is your final warning.

Libra 9/23-10/22

If I see one more WOU student that I know on my TikTok fyp I will scream

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Do: watch a cooking show

Don’t: go to school

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

F–K YOU GABI

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

sorry i was busy playing a game abt ghosts and cults, what did you say?

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

*f a l s e*

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

“I hate to say it but I think I’m getting too old”

Booze & reviews: “Valentine’s Day”

A comedic romance in the perspective of three drunken reviewers

Kyle Morden | Head Designer

Allison Vanderzanden | Lifestyle Editor

Sydney Carpenter | News Editor

“Valentine’s Day” may not have scored high on Rotten Tomatoes, but it sure makes for a great drunk movie night. Read our full reviews in our online issue, which may contain spoilers. Please drink responsibly.

Kyle Morden | Head Designer

This needs to be put out there. If Allie doesn’t say this, SHE IS PISSING WHILE WRITING THIS> 

Love, cheating, thriller, jason, harry styles, queen beyonce, and valentines day — a day full of lonely a– b—–s who somehow get a love interest by the end of the day?? EVEN THIS LITTLE A– 7 YEAR OLD GETS HIS ONWN MOTHER BACK?? “Lmao im 7 and love sick” B—H WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWSEFERSFDRSGFDRGFGFRGdfgfsjhfvsgfsjhghkjfbvdjkbfhjsdbhjvhbfhbhjvbjnkvbjnkfnk?????????fjkhsgjcgkhhbjkhjkgfbgjfhgfxhjgyibfhhsdjkbzakuhks. Btw. military families amitire? Love em. Thank god that military mom came back for her son. Btw tbh i only remember the actors name (bradley cooper hit me up)

Valentines day is a day where a lot of people get f—-d (up to your interpretation uwu)

Ok ok so “valentine’s day” a movie full of twist and turns and sharkboy and lavagirl — without the lava girl and shark. How the f–k do you get two taylors into one movie??? LET ALONE HAVE THEM DATE EACH OTHER??????????????????????

ANNIE HATHAWAT IS OKAY WITH PEOPLE WITH FETISHES, BUT BACK OFF. SHES MINE. SO IS BRADLEY COOPER — HE LOVES ME. B—H

I accidentally deleted my last paragraph, so go watch this movie yourself.

GAY COUPLES ARE THE ONLY COUPLES. ALSO DONT F—–G GROUP ALLIE WITH ME. SHES CRAZy. She said shes rolling, but idk if she means the drug or literally rolling on the floor? Dont do drugs, drink responsibly

How much do i need to type? I dont remember a word count. I KNOW HOW TO FINISH THIS.

Overall review: Let’s get naked~ uwu

Slide into my dms @_kylemorden on instagram 😉

Or contact the author at chealy16@wou.edu

Allison Vanderzanden | Lifestyle Editor

Okay first of all i was NOT too into this movie i was just having fun. MY ROOMMATE was into it tho

I would like to preface my review with the fact that i know none of the characters names, only taylor and taylor. I am inept when it comes to celebrities

Rotten tomatoes is WRONG, I had an AMAZING time watching this movie even though I was really confused. Who’s at the airport??? Whos barely legal in high school??? I could not tell you I could not

But listen. Really. It’s a fun movie to watch drunk. Tbh itd probably be Bad if I was not intoxicated. But it was cute! It was nice! There was representation! Gay men and single mums! We support them all!!! GAY BRADLEY COOPER!!!!!!!

Even through the confusion i was extremely satisfied w/ the ending. Through the MULTIPLE PG-13 sex scenes, there was still a sweet undertone where everyone got a happy ending uwu Not that I shouvlde expected ANY less from a 2010 rom com. Google “romcom drinking games” and watch this movie, you’ll have a fantastic time.

Contact the author at avanderzanden19@mail.wou.edu or don;t

Sydney Carpenter | News Editor

Okay so this what I got from this, please note this is my first time being drunk in my life. There were a lot of straight people but at some point we were gay and it was beautiful. I’m convinced all of these people were stunt doubles cause there absolutely no way all these famous people got together. The stunt doubles failed to give me wolf man and sharkboy there was sex scenes sometimes which was fine but i wasn’t really paying attention because I was busy eating my chili fries there was a little boy with a lot of angst for no reason over a cougar woman In conclustion roses are expensive af, and this mans was throwing them in the lake to feed ducks and thats acceptable.  THE MILITARY MOM CAME BACK AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. Im going to bed 

Dont email me, i wont’ reply email thank you