This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Hot girl summer tips!

Aries 3/21-4/19  

ur hot already

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Sleep. Nothing else.

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Disagreeing with Virgo, avoid the sunscreen and get toasty

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Live life to the fullest and don’t be afraid

Leo 7/23-8/22

Your fire’s a little low babe, it’s time you take it back

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Wear sunscreen with at least SPF 30!

Libra 9/23-10/22

GTL; Gym, tan, laundry! #jerseyshore 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

be queer invoke fear

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21


Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Cry twice a day, it’ll clear your skin up to make for some killer photos

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Act “cultured” and order a “Ban(h) Mi” that’s actually just a chicken sandwich

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Turn up the heater?

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