Mount Hood

Disney, meet Kubrick

By: Darien Campo | Film Aficionado

Film fans rejoice. Last week, the Walt Disney Company finally signed a multi-million dollar, multi-corporation contract which has been years in the making, officially granting them all rights to the entirety of late director Stanley Kubrick’s back catalogue.

“It’s a very exciting time,” Disney CEO Bob Iger said in a press conference last Friday. We’ve known for years now that Disney has hit its stride, and we can all admit that it’s time for us to pursue a new angle, if we dare to continue releasing films.”

“I’ve been saying this for years,” Zenia Mucha, executive vice president and chief communications officer at Disney told the Washington Post. “If we have to do one more god d— heartwarming musical about talking animals, I’m burning this place to the ground. So I gave Bob an ultimatum: either we purchase the rights to every Stanley Kubrick film, or I’m out. And he knew I was serious.”

The Stanley Kubrick Cinematic Universe, or SKCU as Disney is calling it, will reportedly mold perfectly with Disney’s existing film canons.

“This is the greatest day of my life,” Kevin Feige, president of Marvel Studios said in an online post yesterday. “I always knew, no matter what, that the Marvel Cinematic Universe would never reach its peak until I was legally able to give the OK on Dr. Strange vs. Dr. Strangelove – and now I can.”

Feige has also greenlit production on sequels to “A Clockwork Orange,” “Lolita” and “Spartacus,” as well as sending talent scouts to begin casting for a “2001: A Space Odyssey” television series exclusively for Netflix.

What’s in the future for Disney? A whole lot, according to Pixar chief creative officer, John Lasseter: “It’s a world of opportunity that has opened up to us now. The first project I ever started was a CGI children’s remake of Kubrick’s ‘Barry Lyndon,’ but Steve Jobs told me there was no way he was going to purchase those rights for us. So eventually that project became Toy Story. But you know what? Steve Jobs is dead now. And so is that b—– Kubrick, so I’m going to make whatever film I want to make, and there’s no one left alive who can tell me I can’t.”

Today, an article in Entertainment Weekly revealed that DC is currently in talks to purchase the rights to the filmography of Paul Thomas Anderson.

Contact the author at dcampo13@wou.edu

Harper Lee’s posthumous masterpiece

By: Darien Campo
Literary Critic

It’s barely been a year, and readers around the world are still mourning the tragic loss of literary-giant Harper Lee. In only two books, Lee opened the hearts and minds of generations to a world of honesty and raw humanity. Harper Lee’s writing truly changed the face of the modern novel – and even in death, she’s about to do it again.

Last week, Lee’s estate announced they were releasing her third, unpublished, never-before-seen novel, “Go See The Watchmen.”

“She considered it her magnum opus,” Lee’s counsel told Time magazine. “All she ever wanted was for people to read this book.”

“Go See the Watchmen,” a 251 page rave review of Zack Snyder’s 2009 film “Watchmen” has been met with adoration from critics around the globe.

“Beautiful,” said James Wood, professor of the practice of literary criticism at Harvard University. “Absolutely gorgeous. The prose in ‘Go See The Watchmen’ is leading today’s literary slop by miles. No other author even stands a chance in the shadow of the late and great Harper Lee.”

Lee, after seeing “Watchmen” in theatres in 2009, was reportedly transfixed by the film. She praised Larry Fong’s cinematography as a “wonderful feast for the eyes – truly every frame a vast feat for the world of film!” She applauded David Hayter and Alex Tse’s bravery in taking the “substandard plot” of the source comic, by Alan Moore and David Gibbons, and “weaving it into something fantastic.”

“Even in her last days, all she would ever talk about is that movie,” her caretaker said in an interview with the New Yorker. “‘Annie,’ she would call out to me, ‘Annie, people have to see ‘The Watchmen,’ it could change the world.’ She even woke me once, in the middle of the night, screaming. She said that she had a nightmare that she was remembered in death for her previous book, the bird one, instead of what she considered to be her greatest work, ‘Go See The Watchmen.’”

“I told her there was no ‘The,’ it’s just ‘Watchmen,’ but, you know how they get at that age,” she continued.

Though most of the 251-page book is nothing but consistent praise of the 2009 action film, Harper Lee did have one criticism to offer.

“Of the many regrets of my life, my greatest will be that I did not get to see more of Rorschach. It is a dangerous opportunity wasted to have underused such a beautiful character, and Mr. Snyder should be ashamed of himself. Or perhaps he could make a Rorschach solo film sometime in the near future. Before I pass away would be nice,” wrote Harper Lee in “Go See The Watchmen.”

When asked for comment, director Zack Snyder replied, “Harper who?”

Contact the author at dcampo13@wou.edu

This week in completely made up horoscopes

Aries 3/21-4/19

Time to start spamming social media about how hard your one online final is going to be.

 

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Remember to renew your Amazon Prime membership, Taurus. Otherwise you’ll be looking at overdraft fees and will have no one to blame except yourself.  

 

Gemini 5/21-6/20

It’s dead week. I don’t think you need me to tell you it’s not going to be fun.

 

Cancer 6/21-7/22

 

Leo 7/23-8/22

Cool it with the calzones, Leo. Just eat pizza like an American.

 

Virgo 8/23-9/22

The stars know what you’re thinking, Virgo, but quitting school to escape finals will only be a temporary relief. Keep on fighting that good fight.

 

Libra 9/23-10/22

 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

You discover you have a new talent this week. Congratulations! But the heat in your veins suggests this is more than a simple parlor trick.

 

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

 

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

If you watch too many sad shows on Netflix this week, chances are you’ll be wrist-deep in a pint of ice cream by finals.

 

Aquarius 1/20-2/18

Take some time off over break and hit the waves. The water will help relieve your stress.

 

Pisces 2/19-3/20

Start the upcoming term fresh; move around your furniture and soak up the febreze-laced clouds of spring.