Mount Hood

This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] It’s time to put the leftovers down and do the twenty assignments you put off and said you would do during Thanksgiving break. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Taurus, you were supposed to buy some Christmas gifts for family and friends on Black Friday, not just gifts for yourself. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] The stars are studying for finals, don’t bother us! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] Post-dinner thought: What if in an alternate universe turkeys hunt and overeat us once a year in the name of the holidays??? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Memory foam pillows are the best… weapons to use in a pillow fight. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Nothin’ quite gets you ready and pumped for your final like sitting down in soaking wet shoes and drenched hair from the rain. Better pack that extra pair of socks (preferably the ones with doggos on them, the stars think those are fun). [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] ‘Tis the season to go broke if you want to get presents for everyone on time, Libra. Or don’t. Choose wisely. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Deleting your old Instagram photos doesn’t count as self care, Scorpio. Stop making things up. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] It’s your season, Sagittarius! Make the most of it. Channel that powerful celestial energy into your unreasonably long papers that are almost due. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Make sure to triple check your double check on what time and day your finals are, Capricorn. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Yes Aquarius, we saw you write a “totally unique” poem to your girlfriend on Christmas that also spells out SEND NOODS in the first letter of each line. I did it last year…and the year before that. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] IT’S ALMOST YOUR TIME, PISCES. TIME TO PREP YOUR BIRTHDAY MONTH. BUT LET’S NOT MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN, IT WAS A BAD LOOK. [/fruitful_tab]
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This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] The stars foresee a large number of leftovers in your near future. Maybe you could hook us up with some mashed potatoes. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Remember Taurus, it’s never too late or too early to take a nap. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Happy Thanksgiving, Gemini. Pull out the stretchy pants — we’re eating a WEIRD amount of green bean casserole. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] Can no one see what is happening here… I guess that’s fine given the current brain activity used elsewhere. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Pikachu or Eevee. Decisions, decisions… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Your procrastination is gettin’ preeetty intense, Virgo. You should probably do something about that. At some point. Whenever you get around to it. Or not. Whatever. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] The stars say your Thanksgiving dinner should be the food equivalent of ‘go big or go home.’ [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] You really should buy the stars a new computer, Scorpio. We do a lot for you. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Hey Sagittarius, your mom keeps calling us and asking for your Christmas list. You really need to start working on that. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Dead week is upon us… the due date for all the work you’ve put off since Week 1 is approaching… yeah, you’re on your own. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Now comes the biggest decision of your life Aquarius: do you fill your plate up for 3rds of mash potatoes and gravy, or save room for the eventual pie? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Ahh, end of term. Time to make a second home in the library. [/fruitful_tab]
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Humor: The eternal debate: do cats have elbows or knees?

Chrys Weedon | Entertainment Editor

CATS HAVE ELBOWS AND KNEES

Cats are quadrupeds, meaning they walk on all four limbs. Some mistaken people would argue that because they have four legs, cats have four knees. This, however, is not an anatomic fact.

Bridget Parker, a senior studying biology with an zoology emphasis and an intern at Wildlife Safari specializing in big cats, knows that cats have elbows.

“Cats have two sets of joints in their forelimbs: an ankle and an elbow. Their ankle is just above their toes and are fairly similar to human wrists. The second joint is their elbow and is located about midway up their forelimb,” said Parker.

A more in-depth look that the anatomy of feline limbs — discussed on pets.thenest.com — shows that they have two different types of joints: hinge joints and condylar joints. Hinge joints are like human elbows and ankles, and condylar joints are similar to human knees. Cat’s elbow and knee joints are located further up on their limbs than human limbs. Felines have a elbow-like hinge joint on each front limb and a condylar knee-like joint on each back limb. This means that a cat has two elbows and two knees. Doctor of Veterinary Medicine Greg Martinez even acknowledges that cats have elbows in his videos on YouTube.

Miseducated people may also say that since the front limbs bend in the same direction as the back limbs, they must all be the same kind of joint. These people are mistaken. What looks like the knee on the lower hind limbs of a feline are actually the tops of their elongated feet. Their actual knees are located closer to the hips. Therefore, the hind leg knee joint bends a different way than the front limb elbow joint.

Just because cats have four legs does not automatically mean that they have four knees — this would mean that each limb had the same kind of joint. This is simply and scientifically not true. Furthermore, cats have patellas, or kneecaps, on their hind legs. They do not have kneecaps on their front legs. This clearly proves that cats have two elbows and two knees.

Contact the author at cweedon16@wou.edu

 

Ashlynn Norton | Photo Editor

CATS ONLY HAVE KNEES

When you look at a cat, a lot of things come to mind. Such as “ball of anger”, “pure evil”, and “the furry animal that is cute, but could shred you to pieces” — just to name a few. There are many things about them that are odd. Cats could even have their own conspiracy theories centered around them because everything related to them is questionable.

It wasn’t long ago when I came to the profound conclusion that cats in fact don’t have elbows, and only have knees. When you watch a cat walk, their legs all bend in the same direction. If you look at a human, their knees and elbows bend in different directions. So who is to say that cats have both knees and elbows?

In my scientific research and opinion (from watching my cat) feline creatures only have knees. I mean, who just looks at a cat and says, “Yeah, that animal has elbows”? When I look at a cat, their appendages all appear to be knees. If you think of a knee as a weight bearing joint, then that proves my point of cats only having knees, instead of having both elbows and knees. People don’t call cat appendages “arms”, they’re called legs, and legs have knees. Therefore, again, CATS ONLY HAVE KNEES. It’s like arguing about cereal being a soup, or whether or not Lighting McQueen has car insurance or life insurance.

People who like to flex their researching skills would quote a person who is studying biology, or even veterinarians who post on YouTube. They would use quotes from these people who claim that cats have elbows, clearly spreading FALSE INFORMATION. We all know that false news is the worst.

It makes no sense, but also complete sense at the same time. I just have this deep gut feeling from being a “cat expert” (I have three cats, so I can give myself that title) that cats only have knees. You wouldn’t question a mathematician when they say that one plus one equals two. So why would you question me, the cat expert?

Contact the author at anorton17@wou.edu

 

 

Illustrations by Rachel Hetzel

Humor: Night of the living dead mascots

Lake Larsen | Sports Editor

Western has never been good at commitment. In the 156 year history of the school, Western has been called by six different names. While the name changes actually represented the changes in the school’s curriculum, Western’s changes in other areas show an attempt to try to be “hip” and “cool.”

These were the changes of the mascot on campus. But calling these creatures “mascots” is kind of a disgrace to the term, as Western’s previous attempts at a mascot can best be described as terrifying and hellacious.

Prior to 1980, the only thing resembling a mascot was a stuffed wolf with terrifying fangs. Typically a mascot is cute, fun or strong. Instead, the students at Oregon College of Education were represented by a hellhound that would more likely be seen tearing the face off a child than cheering on a sports team.

In 1981 Western Oregon State College attempted a real mascot. Emphasis on the term “attempted.” The head of the beast named Waldo was made from paper maché and the lost soul of a demon. His body looked closer to a cross between a gorilla and freakishly large dog. Thanks for the nightmares, WOSC.

1987 to 1991 saw the best mascot ever to bequeath the campus in Monmouth. It was a real live Alaskan Malamute. He had two different colored eyes, a gorgeous coat of fur, and, while I didn’t personally know him, can only assume he was the goodest boy.

1988 was the return of nightmare fuel on the WOSC campus. The next version of Waldo looked more cuddly than before and actually had a cute face with light grey fur. However, don’t look too closely into the eyes of this demon in disguise. His eyes are as black as the void and probably are home to the students of past years that never made it out of finals week with their sanity.

1994 took a turn for WOSC and instead of designing the mascot after the embodiment of fear, they went for pure stupidity. Waldo 3.0 had an enormous snout with a foot long tongue hanging out of the side of its mouth. Looking at the bright red, floppy tongue only brings up one question: “why?”

1999 brought home a mascot that honestly wasn’t awful. This new wolf was still roaming around the campus nearly 20 years later.

However, by 2015 Wolfie had definitely seen better days. His fur looked closer to a shag carpet that had been worn out for years. His eyes were matted over and were as dead as every student in an 8 a.m. class.

2016 was the birth of the current Wolfie. This Wolfie is actually cute, not terrifying. Strong, not stupid. Fun, not horrifying. So, I guess, thank you Wolfie for actually being normal and not a demon or a dunce.

 

Contact the author at llarsen13@mail.wou.edu

Photo courtesy of Denise Visuaño