April 22, 2026 | Belen Ponce Leal | Lifestyle Editor
We as humans are very social creatures; having a significant other can provide a lot of benefits. Being in a committed relationship, according to Northwestern Medicine, can lower the production of the stress-inducing hormone called cortisol. There have also been reports of living a longer life and having a greater sense of purpose when being with someone who can be described as a “better half.” As someone who is happily married, I can confirm that being in a healthy relationship is pretty awesome.
However, not every relationship is meant to last, especially if the person isn’t a good partner. A lot of the time, we end up stuck in relationships that we think are healthy, but in reality can be extremely toxic. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t going to treat them properly, so I thought I would provide the biggest red flags I’ve seen in many relationships, both my own and those of some close friends of mine, that eventually went sour.
As a preface, I’m not a relationship guru. These are just some things that I think people should be aware of if they are unhappy with their partners.
Overly controlling behavior — Possession over someone isn’t inherently a bad thing. After all, I am a little possessive of my husband and vice versa. Jealousy is one thing — control is another. Relationships should be a place where one feels free with the other, not feel chained to them.
Controlling behavior from a partner can be a red flag, as it shows that they not only feel the need to be in control, but also want to control those who are closest to them. Some examples of overly controlling behavior would be forcing a partner to wear certain clothes, always being the center of attention, never accepting blame for situations they caused and consistently lying to their partner. I think a situation where this trait comes out a lot is whenever someone wants to go out, whether it be to a party or some sort of function, the partner gets jealous and tries to prevent the other from going.
There is nothing wrong with going out with friends, but if one finds themselves wanting to avoid going out to “keep the peace,” that’s a big red flag, especially if they go out as much as they want. Now, if a partner wants to be controlling to the point where they want full control of the bank accounts and credit cards, that isn’t even a red flag — it’s a blaring alarm. Not only is it stripping someone’s ability to manage their finances, but it’s also a trap meant to keep the person tied to their partner. No one should ever feel trapped in a relationship.
Narcissistic habits — Someone who is a narcissist or has the behavior of one has an extensive interest and admiration for themselves, likely believing that the world revolves around them. This often means they’re not able to recognize the needs and opinions of others. They may dismiss them or even overlook them, as they view their own interests or issues as more important.
A good example is a lack of empathy, tied to invalidating their partner’s concerns and issues. At times, they may even make fun of their significant other when they’re visibly upset. It’s also important to be aware of gaslighting and manipulation. The narcissist can make their partner feel like everything is their fault, twisting their words to make them feel guilty over things that aren’t an issue. They’re also very egotistical, wanting constant compliments and what feels like worship from their partners.
Narcissistic behavior can appear very differently. Oftentimes, those who are in relationships with people who have this sort of behavior don’t remember their partners being like this at the start. They were attentive, sweet, considerate and all the things that made someone want to be with them. That can lead to another red flag: love bombing.
Love bombing — At the beginning of a relationship, there is something that most people refer to as the honeymoon phase. It’s when the relationship is exciting and new, people are getting to know each other and they learn about each other’s pet peeves and interests.
However, love bombing is different. Love bombing is done with the intent of luring someone into a false sense of security. It could look similar to the honeymoon phase as it involves one person showering the other with attention, praise and even gifts in order to get their partner to be interested in them. They’ll say things like “we’re meant to be” and “no one else could be my partner other than you.”
However, instead of actually being in love with someone, narcissistic people love the idea of having control over someone. They try to make their partner dependent on them so that they are less likely to leave. Love bombing is done as a method of manipulation, not an act of love.
Lack of communication — One of the most important parts of maintaining a healthy relationship with someone is to speak up whenever something is wrong. As the honeymoon phase ends and disagreements happen, in order to move forward with the relationship, there has to be clear communication between the two. This involves being honest and open with each other, which may not come easily for people depending on their backgrounds. What’s worse is when someone is finally able to tell their partner what the problem is and they react poorly or brush it off.
It’s one thing if putting off an issue happens a few times, but if a significant other is unwilling to change and learn how to communicate with their partner better, that’s a major red flag. Not only is it showing poor emotional intelligence to not be able to recognize that a person’s feelings are hurt, but it’s a lack of respect for the person to not want to be better for them.
My biggest advice for anyone who is in a relationship and is not sure if they’re happy is this: don’t tolerate mistreatment. Don’t make excuses for people who continue to hurt the person that they are supposed to spend the rest of their life with. As American poet Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Contact the author at howllifestyle@wou.edu
