This week in entirely made up horoscopes….

April 22, 2026 | The signs as forest creatures

Aries: a dryad with fire magic who constantly burns themself

Taurus: Elf

Gemini: somehow ended up as a tiny little shrimp

Cancer: The troll that lives under the bridge in Dora the Explorer

Leo: A fairy that can only do taxes

Virgo: Mina herself

Libra: MOTHMAN 

Scorpio: the Lorax

Sagittarius: Big foot with shaved legs 

Capricorn: Three goats in a trench coat pretending to be Bigfoot

Aquarius: Hamster

Pisces: A bear that avoids being hunted for ten days