Disclaimer: all articles featured in this issue are fake in celebration of April Fool’s Day
April 1, 2026 | Hannah Field | Editor-in-Chief
Last fall, Western lost hard in a football match against California Polytechnic State University Sept. 13 — 56 to 7 — that not only devastated the team, but was felt from the stands. Students left the game boiling with frustration over multiple flags and crushed by defeat, but none of it matched what Wolfie was seemingly feeling.
The Western mascot was spotted at the end of the match, hovering off the field, stomping and punching the air. Prior to the loss, the wolf was seated glumly on an empty bench, looking upset. While leaving with a crowd of students, Wolfie snatched the brandished hat of a student from the enemy school and tossed it into a nearby bush. The altercation resulted in a slight scuffle off-field — with Wolfie and the Cal Poly student tousling on the ground for about fifteen seconds before being pulled apart by onlookers.
Since then, Western has reduced Wolfie’s appearances without a public explanation.
“While we can appreciate how much Wolfie cares about Western and Western’s teams’ continued victories, we’re stepping back to evaluate the role of this specific mascot,” stated a Western spokesperson. “We can’t release any more information yet, but the students will definitely know when it’s time for a change.”
Following the event, and student concern over Wolfie’s aggravated behavior, Campus Public Safety said: “Well, what can you expect from a wolf?”
Campus Public Safety also reported that Wolfie was well-maintained and taken on “multiple walks daily,” providing no further explanation.
“Campus Public Safety thinks Wolfie is an actual wolf? Like, the animal?” questioned Western’s spokesperson, seemingly unaware of the ongoing discussion. “Is that what students think, too?”
“I don’t know what I think,” said one student. “I don’t care if it’s a person or not. I just don’t know how I should be referring to it. Is Wolfie a girl? I don’t want to just, you know, assume it’s a man. Are most mascots boys, like how boats are always women? I don’t know.”
Additionally, Wolfie could be facing potential criminal charges, further reason for Western to reconsider Wolfie as their representation. Allegedly, following the team’s loss Sept. 13, a student noticed Wolfie at the wheel of a Rivian in the parking lot, driving recklessly and even backing into a student’s Ford Focus when leaving the parking spot. The student was unable to record the license plate, and after trying to report the crash to Campus Public Safety, it was dismissed because “wolves can’t drive cars.”
Rumors have since soared regarding Wolfie’s potential replacement, with students campaigning for a unique, new mascot, one never before adopted by a university.
“Think about it — we could have a whole new theme. People could come to Western just because our mascot is so cool,” said a student. “It could be a mythical creature. I’m sure there’s some legal claim on, like, Bigfoot, or Mothman, but imagine like, a skunk ape, or like a carnivorous tree. That’d be really awesome, I think.”
“Oh, I’m just a bug fan, so I’d probably say something like a beetle or spider,” another student added. “I’m not picky. Western pine beetles are a thing — we could be one of those — and they attack California trees, kind of like what Wolfie did to the Cal Poly student.”
Western rejected the concept of capitalizing on a cryptid as Western’s new mascot almost immediately after a few students put together a low-scoring petition. More students, however, set up visible “FREE WOLFIE” signs from their dorm windows, advocating for another appearance amidst the controversies. One single sign in retaliation said: “#WOLFIEISOVERPARTY,” with another saying “PUT HIM DOWN.”
One thing is for certain: nothing has been announced yet as of April 1 — today, April Fool’s Day, but more information is sure to come out.
Contact the author at howleditorinchief@wou.edu
