Squirrels of Western

By: Rachael Jackson
Campus Life Editor

Finding the campus empty of interesting people to interview for Humans of Western, the Journal turned to Ronnie Squeaker, local squirrel for a fresh take on life at Western.

Squeaker:

“You know, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life before moving here a year ago. Seeing all the young college kids sorting out their lives and finding a direction ignited something in myself. I realized that I wanted to be a squirrel of the world. The only thing holding me back is the sad fact that Squirrel School isn’t cheap.

I was in a pretty dark place, trying to figure out how to pay for school when I met Mister [“Fuzzball”] Malone. He set me up with honest work hassling the neighborhood dogs. I knew all about the heroin business. It’s nuts to think about, but in most college towns the heroin trade is dealt by squirrels. Seeing Malone go down really hit me hard, but hey, I still got my job. I still got my dreams.”