By: Katrina Penaflor 
Managing Editor

When I was sitting down to write my column this week, I had a moment where I thought, hmm… there really isn’t anything I have to sass about this week, how wonderful.

And then I read this article on BuzzFeed titled “15 waters that need to be stopped,” and then I thought, ”yup, this is something I definitely need to sass about.”

Basically, if you haven’t already gathered from the title, the article was talking about ridiculous types of water. When I first saw it, I was thinking “really? There are 15 different types of dumb water? No way.”

But, as usual when it comes to pretentious drinks, I seriously underestimated the absurdities of the water industry. Which is actually a thing.

One of the most ridiculous ones was “asparagus water” which was sold at Whole Foods for about $6. Yes, you read that correctly, a 16 ounce bottle of water was $6. Why, you ask? Because it contained four stalks of asparagus. Are you kidding me?!

Because really, if you’re putting these items in your grocery cart just give me the $6 instead—I know I’ll find a better use for it.

Another equally outrageous one was “blk.” or water that was completely black. Why is it black? I looked it up and it’s infused with black fulvic trace minerals, which, according to their website, “are thought to contain an abundance of natural plant sourced nutrients including: natural electrolytes, amino acids, 77 trace minerals, antioxidants, and a pH of 8.0+.”

Just stop with all the “are thought to’s” and lists of ingredients that are used in an attempt to trick people into thinking they need to buy it. Just give me water that doesn’t look like it was filtered through dead bodies.

Seriously, there are so many people in this world struggling to just get clean water to drink and it shocks me to find people who throw their money out the door on overpriced, glammed-out waters because they’re “trendy” or “cute” or whatever the kids are saying on Instagram these days.