Humor

Jan. 7 2026 | The Signs as Unhinged Movie Quotes Aries: “Mars will come to fear my botany powers.” – The Martian Taurus: “Chloe can you get your head out of your ass it’s not a hat.” – Pitch Perfect Gemini: “You keep using that word. I do not think...

Jan. 7 2026 | What the signs drop from their inventory when they die Aries: 3 blaze powder, 3 raw beef and 6 stacks of nether brick slabs Taurus: a full stack of TNT Gemini: A mending book Cancer: 36 Lava Chicken Music Disks Leo: A wooden pickaxe and a nether star...

Dec. 3 2025 | What the signs give at a white elephant event Aries: ghost pepper hot sauce and bean-boozled with a note saying “do it” Taurus: a whole rotisserie chicken.  Gemini: deodorant with a pretty lil bow on it Cancer: a bag of those tiny plastic babies Leo: A...

Nov. 19 2025 |  The signs as the titles of their worst fanfic  Aries: i uhh… what’s a fanfic… (has 300 ao3 works) Taurus: The Lover’s Office: Orange x Bubba Gemini: Warrior Cats New Clan Cancer: Mpreg Sonic x Shadow Leo: The Shadow Bride of Darkipler Virgo: Lieutenant...

Nov 12 2025 | The signs as their weird secrets Aries: is lowkey addicted to going to rage roomsTaurus: Dr. Pimple Popper’s #1 fanGemini: favorite app is quoraCancer: Collects creepy porcelain dollsLeo: Is scared of the darkVirgo: Committed a hit and run 3 years...

Nov 5. 2025 | The Signs as your weird coworkers Aries: Throws bits of turf at you because they think it’s funny Taurus: Everyone has met them but you. Who are they? Do they even exist? Gemini: is chronically online and always makes unfunny tiktok references even...

Oct 29 2025 | The Signs as Obscure Halloween Costumes Aries: The Festivus Pole Taurus: Bruce the shark from Nemo Gemini: definitely an offensive sexy nun Cancer: Playboy Bunny Leo: The “my leg!” guy from Spongebob Virgo: Punk Jojo Siwa Libra: Howard dressed up as...

Oct 22 2025 | The Signs as weird things children say Aries: “WHERE IS MY BLOOOOOD???” Taurus: “my dad has diabetes”  Gemini: “Wow, you’re really high!” talking about someone who’s just really tall Cancer: “He’s behind you” *The room is empty* Leo: “But I don’t want to...

Oct 15 2025 | The Signs at a Haunted House Aries: Runs ahead of you, waits for you at the exit and makes fun of you when you come out frazzled Taurus: gets scared and lowkey assaults an actor Gemini: way too friendly to the scare actors and keeps complimenting them...

Oct 8 2025 | The Signs as roommates Aries: swears they don’t hate you but won’t follow you on insta Taurus: NEVER wears their own clothes. Watch your closets, people. Gemini: Do they even exist..? Never been seen. Cancer: Constantly arguing on the phone with their...