The Western Howl Staff
Chicken Nuggets or Tenders?
Aries ⏤ 69 cents for chicken nuggets.
Taurus ⏤ Yes.
Gemini ⏤ One of each obviously
Cancer ⏤ Nuggets
Leo ⏤ Why, are you buying?
Virgo ⏤ What Scorpio said.
Libra ⏤ The ones from Lunchables
Scorpio ⏤ Nuggets, dino ones specifically. Anything else is subpar.
Sagittarius ⏤ raw????? uwu
Capricorn ⏤ Tenders FTW
Aquarius ⏤ b r e a s t
Pisces ⏤ nuggets with honey mustard 10/10
The Western Howl Staff
Theme: Things Joe Biden would say
Aries 3/21-4/19
That’s what I love about highschoolers. I get older, they stay the same age.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
I’m not racist because I’m friends with the Obama’s. They’re very clean.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Catch me on the YouTube livestreaming the inauguration
Cancer 6/21-7/22
I would say
Leo 7/23-8/22
That’s all folks
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Don’t play games with me, kid.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Just Biden tings uwu rawr XD
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Finally, my dogs can live like royalty
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
HI OBAMA I MADE IT
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Forgetting is the greatest ability we have
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
We did it, folks
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
I’m getting teary eyed at the possibilities.
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Do you mind? I’m trying to sleep
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Cats or dogs, which is better? Argue amongst yourselves
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Maybe if you look at some moss balls you’ll be less evil
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Does that window open? Cuz I’m gonna jump out of it
Leo 7/23-8/22
I need to wash my masks not give y’all life advice
Virgo 8/23-9/22
a tubular optical instrument containing lenses and mirrors by which an observer obtains an otherwise obstructed field of view
Libra 9/23-10/22
At this point, I feel like an undercover participant in “60 Days In.”
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
just thought i’d let you know, i’ve been evil since i turned 15
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
I liek tortles
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Sagittarius be looking sus today, they think australian shepherds are cats
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
*shrug* (i’ll prob change this don’t put it in)
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
“You will be very rich and famous this week”
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Is that an expired COVID vaccine in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Taurus 4/20-5/20
2021 is 2012 backwards but at least this time I’m prepared to die
Gemini 5/21-6/20
what’s your favorite absurd way to package wine? mine’s canned
Cancer 6/21-7/22
*claps hands with Libra*
Leo 7/23-8/22
Just send them to the Bermuda Triangle and we won’t have these problems anymore
Virgo 8/23-9/22
a tubular optical instrument containing lenses and mirrors by which an observer obtains an otherwise obstructed field of view
Libra 9/23-10/22
If you’re about to spend the stimulus money on things you don’t need and you know it, clap your hands!
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
I can drink (responsibly) now
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Glad we’re still in the peppermint mocha stage of seasonal beverages
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
nobody:
absolutely nobody:
pharmacist: destroys 500 vaccines because just anyone can be a pharmacist
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
The amount of serotonin I get from drinking out of odd shaped mugs is unnatural.
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
Huh, weird.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Damn that movie was really bad.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Wow that was worse than 2016
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me….
Leo 7/23-8/22
When the whole world took the L … lel
Virgo 8/23-9/22
“This mac and cheese, man, Oh, he’s got a plan to end my life”
Libra 9/23-10/22
I would like a full refund and a heartfelt apology.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
GG, we’ll pick it up next time
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Weird flex but ok lol
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Thanks, I hated it
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
At least it’s over
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
… if you have nothing nice to say then –
The Western Howl Staff
Aries 3/21-4/19
I’m giving you a coupon to shut up
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Oh look it’s a mug that says C–t and the C is the handle. I thought it matched your personality.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Unlock your next gift with a healthy donation of $30
Cancer 6/21-7/22
I know you hate cheeseburgers, so I got you a cheeseburger without the cheese.
Leo 7/23-8/22
No, I didn’t get you anything. Did I get you???
Virgo 8/23-9/22
One (1) free pass to your local occult meeting
Libra 9/23-10/22
A stapler and loose staples placed inside neon jello. Useful and delicious!
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
enjoy my half-drunk peppermint mocha 🙂
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
What’s that? You don’t want this gag ball?
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
I couldn’t afford a gift this year, so I got you this box
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
It’s sudoku toilet paper! Figured you needed something to do while you’re in there for an hour
Pisces 2/19 – 3/20
I hope you enjoy this personalized notebook with a 2-page note I wrote for you and this scrap book and this mug and…
The Western Howl Staff
Take a sip of egg nog when …
A family member complains about COVID-19
Someone mentions Kate Brown
A cousin wears a tail to dinner
Any family member impulse-buys off Amazon after a single recommendation
Someone tries to hit the high note in Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” and fails
If one of your younger cousins tries to hit the woah
A family member says the votes need to be recounted
A baby spits up and everyone says ‘awwww’
Your aunty shows off your baby cousin but it’s ugly :/
You film a tiktok (drink again if you post it)
You get socks as a gift
If your uncle brags way too much about the money he saved by going to Disney World during COVID
Your family still decides to invite those “family friends” you hardly know to dinner
WESTERN OREGON UNIVERSITY
345 Monmouth Ave. N.
Monmouth OR 97361
503-838-8000 | 1-877-877-1593