Darien Campo | Designer
This weekend, a fan of the popular Adult Swim show “Rick and Morty” achieved a perfect state of condensed internet humor, which scientists refer to as a “Meme Singularity.”
The event occurred on Oct. 7, at a Portland McDonald’s. The popular fast-food chain was holding a special giveaway of its much sought-after Szechuan dipping sauce to tie-in with the adult cartoon.
20-year-old Western student Hunter Bryant had been waiting in line all day for the sweet sauce packet, but was disappointed to find that stock had run out by the time he had reached the front counter.
“They were all out,” a bystander told us. “So many people came for a chance to get the sauce, but there wasn’t enough for everyone.”
“I could instantly tell he was one of the crazy ones,” McDonald’s manager Tyler Blankenship said, “He had on a Rick and Morty t-shirt, Rick and Morty cap and various rage face stickers on the back of his phone – which had been playing ‘Get Schwifty’ all day.”
“They told him they were out and he just, like, lost it,” added the bystander. “He jumped on the counter and just started yelling ‘ffffffuuuu! Gimme my Szechuan sauce! I want my sauce!’ You know, just like, crazy.”
Blankenship continued, “He pulled his shirt off and started writhing on the ground, shrieking ‘I’m Pickle Rick! I’m Pickle Rick, gimme my sauce! Wubba lubba dub dub!’”
What happened next was a shock to everyone.
“It’s called a Meme Singularity,” we were told by internet scientist Tim Cailiau. “It’s a pure mass of referential matter and image macros condensed down to a single, perfect particle that absorbs pure pop culture. This pulsating particle is denser than any other object in the known universe. It’s actually quite dangerous; we will probably all die under its unstoppable power.”
McDonald’s customers looked on as Bryant ascended to a new state of internet humor in an explosion of brilliant, white light.
“We’ve theorized about Meme Singularities for years,” Cailiau continued. “But never did we think such a beautiful and rare phenomenon could happen right here on Earth.”
Scientists are excited to study the new, perfect lifeform as it expands and contracts – absorbing all the most current references it can gather. Research will continue until the condensed super-particle eventually swallows our entire planet and kills us all.
The Meme Singularity was last seen floating high above the Earth, where it communicates only in the Impact typeface.
Contact the author before the world ends at dcampo13@wou.edu
