By: Jade Rayner
21 year old adult

If you’ve never noticed the preface at the beginning of this movie, you’ve been missing out.

I generally think “tell me a story” formula movies are lazy garbage, but somehow this one gets an exception. This, and “The Princess Bride.” Seriously though, just get into it.

“I always thought she was more of a winter person,” my friend says in response to Zooey Deschanel’s character Summer. She’s right.

The flirting in this movie is so far from subtle, they should just walk up to each other and say “hey, I’m flirting,” and live their lives from there.

I can’t handle the time switches in this movie. Thank you for the screen that shows which day out of the 500 days we are in, but it’s still a lot to keep up with.

Is Summer supposed to run over and make out with him every time he plays The Smiths? It seems like that’s what they’re getting at. No.
There is definitely a right and wrong time for method acting. These guys should probably be drunk for real, because the acting is as smooth as sandpaper.

The first half-hour summed up in one sentence: I’m not sure if I’m watching a “love story” between middle schoolers or adults, but they’re beautiful actors in general, so here we are.

“500 Days of Summer” is the only reason I want to go to IKEA. Is it actually cute? Or is there more to it? Why are they being stereotypical? And are people allowed to just make out in the beds? Think of the children.

SHE LITERALLY SAYS SHE DOESN’T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS. LISTEN UP, JOSEPH.

The post-sex musical scene is the most magical moment in the whole movie. This is how I feel every time I leave my last final.

From happiness to depression in two seconds. Thanks.

Never doubt the emotional bond between a cat and a person. This isn’t related to the movie, but it’s important to note as I am currently crying over a cat that’s not even mine.

There are a lot of awful sexist moments. How have I never noticed this before? It’s hidden behind the semi-cute nature of this movie.
TWO PERSON RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT DECIDED BY ONE, SINGLE PERSON, TOM.
Now the penis game. It’s decided: middle school.

Now this is a French film?

I would buy a greeting card that started as a poem, and then turned into a hateful revenge letter. I really don’t see the problem. Tom’s boss is far too nitpick.

The expectation vs. reality segment is killer in the worst way. But you had to see it coming. I didn’t, but that’s not the point.

There really do need to be more greeting cards featuring cats.

To sum it up, Tom is whiney and can’t get a clue. Summer is living her life mostly-honest, but doesn’t consider other people’s feelings.

IF THE GIRL’S NAME IS A SEASON, DON’T DO IT. SHE IS NOT YOUR SOUL MATE.

Contact the author at jrayner14@wou.edu