This week in entirely made up horoscopes….

Jan. 7 2026 | The Signs as Unhinged Movie Quotes

Aries: “Mars will come to fear my botany powers.” – The Martian

Taurus: “Chloe can you get your head out of your ass it’s not a hat.” – Pitch Perfect

Gemini: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” – Princess Bride

Cancer: “Do you want to do something fun? Do you want to go to tacobell?” – Mean Girls

Leo: “Dynamite. Mm, must be Italian.” -Hoodwinked!

Virgo: “You can’t sit with us!” – Mean Girls 

Libra: “Why would they change math? Math is math! MATH is MATH!!” -Incredibles 2

Scorpio: “Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast.” -Guardians of the Galaxy

Sagittarius: “I was on top! Who the f*** is on top their first time!” –Saoirse Ronan as Christine “Lady Bird’ McPherson in Lady Bird (2017)

Capricorn: “I’m gonna put my fist through your skull.” – Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Aquarius: “I like to fight around” -Lego Batman: The Lego Batman Movie

Pisces: “When I’m around you, I kind of feel like I’m on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.” – Scott Pilgrim vs. The World