Aries 3/21-4/19

Time to start spamming social media about how hard your one online final is going to be.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Remember to renew your Amazon Prime membership, Taurus. Otherwise you’ll be looking at overdraft fees and will have no one to blame except yourself.  

Gemini 5/21-6/20

It’s dead week. I don’t think you need me to tell you it’s not going to be fun.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Leo 7/23-8/22

Cool it with the calzones, Leo. Just eat pizza like an American.

Virgo 8/23-9/22

The stars know what you’re thinking, Virgo, but quitting school to escape finals will only be a temporary relief. Keep on fighting that good fight.

Libra 9/23-10/22

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

You discover you have a new talent this week. Congratulations! But the heat in your veins suggests this is more than a simple parlor trick.

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

If you watch too many sad shows on Netflix this week, chances are you’ll be wrist-deep in a pint of ice cream by finals.

Aquarius 1/20-2/18

Take some time off over break and hit the waves. The water will help relieve your stress.

Pisces 2/19-3/20

Start the upcoming term fresh; move around your furniture and soak up the febreze-laced clouds of spring.