Aries 3/21-4/19
Time to start spamming social media about how hard your one online final is going to be.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Remember to renew your Amazon Prime membership, Taurus. Otherwise you’ll be looking at overdraft fees and will have no one to blame except yourself.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
It’s dead week. I don’t think you need me to tell you it’s not going to be fun.
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Leo 7/23-8/22
Cool it with the calzones, Leo. Just eat pizza like an American.
Virgo 8/23-9/22
The stars know what you’re thinking, Virgo, but quitting school to escape finals will only be a temporary relief. Keep on fighting that good fight.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
You discover you have a new talent this week. Congratulations! But the heat in your veins suggests this is more than a simple parlor trick.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
If you watch too many sad shows on Netflix this week, chances are you’ll be wrist-deep in a pint of ice cream by finals.
Aquarius 1/20-2/18
Take some time off over break and hit the waves. The water will help relieve your stress.
Pisces 2/19-3/20
Start the upcoming term fresh; move around your furniture and soak up the febreze-laced clouds of spring.
