This week in entirely made up horoscopes

The signs watch a horror movie

Aries: imagining themselves as the final girl

Taurus: ‘This is so dumb’

Gemini: laughing at the “scary” parts

Cancer: passed out after the first 5 minutes 

Leo: telling everyone they could survive each scenario

Virgo: attracted to the villain

Libra: disgusted by the gore but overall unfazed

Scorpio: oddly fascinated (don’t question it)

Sagittarius: closed my eyes during “Jurassic Park”

Capricorn: complaining about all the inaccuracies in the gore

Aquarius: unbothered- bring them something scarier

Pisces: thinking of their serial killer name