This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] Christmas sweaters are so last year, Aries. It’s time to put the sweaters away. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Hey Taurus, lets just pretend 2018 never happened. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Look, Gemini. We tell you your horoscope EVERY WEEK. And what do we get in return? Literally not even so much as a THANK YOU CARD? 2019 is the year of reciprocity. Maybe think about giving back to the stars who devote so much time to you… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] Set your alarm clock one hour before you have to get up, we know it will take you that long to decide it’s worth it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] NOOOOOooOOOOooooOooOOOoOOOoo0oooo. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] The stars suggest you make your resolution include something about actually attending class this year. Or nah. You do you. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] The stars have a resolution for you, Libra: try actually listening to us this year. Not that you’ll stick to it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] The stars almost forgot to submit your horoscope this week, Scorpio. Big mood, right? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] New year, new term, new you, right? Wrong! You know you’re still the same stone cold fox you always have been, Sagittarius. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] School’s back. Time to learn how to read and write again, Capricorn. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] New Year’s resolutions are a nice way to fix regrettable decisions made on New Year’s Eve. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] I know all that small talk over the holidays killed your soul but get ready, there’s more! New classes love small talk and small talk loves to crush your soul. Enjoy <3 [/fruitful_tab]

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