This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Theme: Horoscopes from The Fly 

 

Aries 3/21-4/19  

What if I just took a s—t right now.

 

Taurus 4/20-5/20

This is a nice spot for a nap.

 

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Bruh why’d he stay so long, get out of there before his hair gel kills you!

 

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Don’t listen to that guy. He’s trying to lead you down the path of wickedness. I’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks!

 

Leo 7/23-8/22

He’s not real he’s definitely like a lizard or something

 

Virgo 8/23-9/22

You know what they say flies are attracted to.

 

Libra 9/23-10/22

Thought I was landing on a snack, turned out it was a snake.

 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Listen to “Fly on the Wall” by Miley Cyrus.

 

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

You better vote.

 

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

At least I made him look even more like an idiot

 

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Oop, time for my 15 minutes of fame (⌐▨_▨)

 

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

I can see why the audience is empty.