This week in completely made up horoscopes

[fruitful_tabs type=”accordion” width=”100%” fit=”false”]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] You? ME? Who? We! 

I’m okay, I swear. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Twizzlers solve everything, especially in an apocalypse, so stock up. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Virgo is just out here to rip your heart out. If you know, you know. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] You guys realize the government just confirmed that aliens exist, right? You guys realize that, right? RIGHT?! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Man, Aquarius really said we live in a society. ¦¬) [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] It’s only the matter of time before our government executes Order 66. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] God’s Plague Inc score must be off the charts [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] I’ll fight an alien, I don’t care. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] STREAM SAVAGE REMIX BY MEGAN THEE STALLION (FEAT. BEYONCÉ). [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Check in with any Cancers you know today (I think they’re going a little nuts). [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Maybe we are the virus [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] You ever wonder if we’re all just Sims in a really, really wild game of Sims 2: Double Deluxe? [/fruitful_tab]

[/fruitful_tabs]