This week in completely made up horoscopes

[fruitful_tabs type=”accordion” width=”100%” fit=”false”]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] The stars have a message for Leo : you’re not my dad. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Oh, you know, just checking if gravity still works… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] Did you see that fight last week? Put 20 bucks on Pisces winning this week if you feel like making bank Gemini. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] “Does anyone have any orange slices?” [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] Capricorns like to think they’re spicy, but their words hold no weight. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Sometimes your S/O has to stop drunk you from jumping out of the car to pet deer and you know what? I love that for you. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Spell “attic” lmaoooooo

Kyle stfu don’t judge me

Can we leave this

Of course [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Did you hear what Taurus said about you? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Pisces: ¿It’s my birthday?

Leo: I’m your dad.

The Northwest Passage Editor-in-Chief: hi

The REAL Northwest Passage Editor-in-Chief: Why [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Watch out for Pisces and Leo, now they’re on the chopping block this week [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Aquarius, today is a good day to bet on a fight Double down, all in, push it to the max! [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] THat’s one a sPICy a meatball [/fruitful_tab]

[/fruitful_tabs]