This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] 3 day weekends are great, until you spontaneously watch all of the Star Wars movies and now you’re behind 3 readings, 7 assignments, and 2 Papers… May the Force be with you, Aries. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Cats don’t jump, they small… [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] The Stars have dIpPeD [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] We should start calling Oregon residents Organisms. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] The Stars no advice for you, Leos. Figure it out, man. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] You’ve known that Persephone was the heroine since before it was cool. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Turn up [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Remember when you were a kid and all you wanted to do was grow up, and now the thought of being a proper adult is absolutely nauseating. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] …aaaaaaaaaa yeet [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] Make sure you get that extra shot of espresso in your coffee, you’re going to need it. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] It’s the star’s birthday today… You forgot, didn’t you? Sigh. Well, it’s okay, I know you were too busy reading and working six weeks ahead to notice… Even more dramatic sigh. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Brb catch me trying to mentally get over the fact that it’s literally Week 3 already and I still feel like I’m on break?? [/fruitful_tab]

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