This week in completely made up horoscopes

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[fruitful_tab title=”Aries 3/21-4/19″] It’s probably hitting you now, in week 6, that you’re in COLLEGE college. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Taurus 4/20-5/20″] Don’t question yourself so much, Taurus. You’ve made it this far, so you must be doing at least a few things right. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Gemini 5/21-6/20″] According to the Facebook quiz we just took, your spirit animal is Danny Devito. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Cancer 6/21-7/22″] Remember that thing that whoever was suppose to remind you about but never did, this is your reminder, you’re welcome. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Leo 7/23-8/22″] The taste of a bitter pineapple is succulent. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Virgo 8/23-9/22″] Thanks for checking in every week, Virgo. It’s always good seeing you. To be clear, though, we always see you. Like the stars are literally always watching. But it’s good to see you under your own free will. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Libra 9/23-10/22″] Sorry, Libra, the stars are busy with homework this week and don’t have time to give you life advice. Hint hint. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Scorpio 10/23-11/21″] Genuine slab, partner. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Sagittarius 11/22-12/21″] Everything the stars are thinking to say right now sounds really cynical, so we’ll just say that we hope you have a nice week. We’re sending our love. [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Capricorn 12/22-1/19″] No amount of facemasks are going to fix those dark circles around your eyes. There’s only one cure for those bad boys, and it rhymes with “fleep.” And it’s defined as, “something you will not be getting for at least five more weeks.” [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Aquarius 1/20-2/18″] Ya know, the stars have a really wise piece of advice, but will you even listen Aquarius? [/fruitful_tab]

[fruitful_tab title=”Pisces 2/19-3/20″] Have you ever sniffed your socks and said, “whoa that’s spicy!”? Blame your Pisces-ness. [/fruitful_tab]

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