Mount Hood

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Who else is getting up at 6 a.m. to run? Just me?

 

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Let’s not and say we did…

 

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

Yeah, no I’m going back to bed, later.

 

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Morsmordre!

 

Leo 7/23-8/22

FABULOUS JUST FABULOUS

 

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Mercury is not in retrograde. You can blame Earth for your problems.

 

Libra 9/23-10/22

Have a lovely cup of tea and talk with a stranger

 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

No Scorp…io

 

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Contact the author at smartinez17@wou.edu

 

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Salad is just a vehicle for croutons, thanks for coming to my TED Talk

 

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Don’t mind me, just going to go casually have a breakdown in the men’s room, thanks.

 

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

“Suck it up and ask for help” – E.M. 2020

This week in completely made up horoscopes

The Western Howl Staff

Aries 3/21-4/19  

Sometimes staying up until 3am watching docuseries isn’t the best idea but go off.

 

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Astrology isn’t a lie and you should continue arguing with your parents about it. #fightthegoodfight

 

Gemini 5/21-6/20 

*eats popcorn while watching Taurus fight with their parents*

 

Cancer 6/21-7/22

We’ve come to burgle your turts.

 

Leo 7/23-8/22

My apocalypse bingo card has a bingo, what do I win?

 

Virgo 8/23-9/22

I’ll be going back to bed after morning Zoom meetings and you should too

 

Libra 9/23-10/22

If the stars align right hopefully I’ll be a millionaire by the 22nd

 

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 

Excuse me while I avoid my class meetings so I can continue to binge Netflix shows

 

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

LET ME OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT pls 🙂 oh and don’t listen to capricorn 🙂

 

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Welcome back everyone, good to see you. Oh wait ⏤ waiting…??????? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Side note: sagittarius is lying, you should def listen 🙂

 

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Listen to a Virgo this week, for they are wise [(--)]..zzZ

 

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Hey there delilah what’s it like there in 2021? Im 3 months away but tonight you look so pretty…