Caity Healy | Lifestyle Editor
The way that each person tends to interpret and express love varies depending on who you are. Understanding your love language can be something that makes incredible positive changes to your relationships. Not only will it help you understand yourself and the way you desire things to be, it will also help your partner understand the aspects of the relationship that you value and find important. Ultimately, knowing your love language will lead to a better understanding of each other as individuals, and a better understanding of what needs to be done to improve and keep your relationship positive.
“The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman created a new way to think of relationships. Saving numerous marriages and inspiring others to see how they could grow with their partner and progress as a team, the five languages he defined essentially decode the ways people communicate with their significant others. According to Chapman, they are “universal ways that all people express and interpret love.”
The first of the five languages is words of affirmation. For those who identify with this, they find a lot of value in hearing the words “I love you.” Being complimented or being told that they are loved is something they hold real appreciation for and find incredibly important. And that also means that if someone were to insult them or make a negative comment, it would cut deeper with them than with others.
The second language is quality time. With this, it’s important to the person to have undivided attention from the person they love. While they don’t need it all the time, they put a lot of value into the thought of the person they love setting aside time to make it just about them. Togetherness and being close, as well as good conversation and maintaining eye contact is important to them. This also means that if you choose to blow off plans, are constantly distracted — especially by other people or your cell phone — or feeling like they aren’t being fully listened to can have negative effects.
The third language is receiving gifts. Having something they can hold that took thought and effort to some is a material representation of the love that their partner has for them. It doesn’t mean that they are necessarily a materialistic person, but knowing that effort was put into a gift means a lot to them. Gifts will make them feel appreciated.
The fourth language is acts of service. Helping out your partner when they are going through a tough time, or just lending a hand when they are struggling will speak volumes to them. Being perceived as lazy by them will bother them a lot; to them, actions speak louder than words. Favors will go a long way.
The fifth and final language is physical touch. While this can mean in the bedroom, it goes outside of those walls as well. A warm hug and embrace will make them feel safe and loved. They’ll put a lot of value into cuddling and hand-holding. This doesn’t always mean they want a ton of PDA, but they’ll appreciate the feeling of being held by the one they love.
Knowing your partner’s love language can be incredibly beneficial. It will solve the mystery of “what is missing in this relationship?” and open doors to a far more understanding and well-working partnership. Knowing your own is important too, because if you don’t know then how can you expect your partner to?
Note that while your partner may favor a certain language, the others cannot be neglected. Most find every single aspect important, but a specific one is held to the highest degree. Don’t let the others fall behind just because you are putting preference on one.
Contact the author at chealy16@mail.wou.edu
Photo by: Paul F. Davis
