Humor: Night of the living dead mascots

Lake Larsen | Sports Editor

Western has never been good at commitment. In the 156 year history of the school, Western has been called by six different names. While the name changes actually represented the changes in the school’s curriculum, Western’s changes in other areas show an attempt to try to be “hip” and “cool.”

These were the changes of the mascot on campus. But calling these creatures “mascots” is kind of a disgrace to the term, as Western’s previous attempts at a mascot can best be described as terrifying and hellacious.

Prior to 1980, the only thing resembling a mascot was a stuffed wolf with terrifying fangs. Typically a mascot is cute, fun or strong. Instead, the students at Oregon College of Education were represented by a hellhound that would more likely be seen tearing the face off a child than cheering on a sports team.

In 1981 Western Oregon State College attempted a real mascot. Emphasis on the term “attempted.” The head of the beast named Waldo was made from paper maché and the lost soul of a demon. His body looked closer to a cross between a gorilla and freakishly large dog. Thanks for the nightmares, WOSC.

1987 to 1991 saw the best mascot ever to bequeath the campus in Monmouth. It was a real live Alaskan Malamute. He had two different colored eyes, a gorgeous coat of fur, and, while I didn’t personally know him, can only assume he was the goodest boy.

1988 was the return of nightmare fuel on the WOSC campus. The next version of Waldo looked more cuddly than before and actually had a cute face with light grey fur. However, don’t look too closely into the eyes of this demon in disguise. His eyes are as black as the void and probably are home to the students of past years that never made it out of finals week with their sanity.

1994 took a turn for WOSC and instead of designing the mascot after the embodiment of fear, they went for pure stupidity. Waldo 3.0 had an enormous snout with a foot long tongue hanging out of the side of its mouth. Looking at the bright red, floppy tongue only brings up one question: “why?”

1999 brought home a mascot that honestly wasn’t awful. This new wolf was still roaming around the campus nearly 20 years later.

However, by 2015 Wolfie had definitely seen better days. His fur looked closer to a shag carpet that had been worn out for years. His eyes were matted over and were as dead as every student in an 8 a.m. class.

2016 was the birth of the current Wolfie. This Wolfie is actually cute, not terrifying. Strong, not stupid. Fun, not horrifying. So, I guess, thank you Wolfie for actually being normal and not a demon or a dunce.

 

Contact the author at llarsen13@mail.wou.edu

Photo courtesy of Denise Visuaño