By: Paige Scofield
Natural Disaster

Feb. 14th, otherwise known as Valentine’s Day, is a time of chocolates, cards, fancy dinners, broken hearts, love, frilly things, crippling self doubt, romance and candlelight. But people always seem to miss the most important aspect of the 14th, and they have been forgetting it for years. It’s Oregon’s birthday! Our beautiful state turns 158 this year, and I bet it didn’t even cross your mind. Every year I send invitations to everybody. Where were you when it was Oregon’s 150th? Making out and having fun with someone because of some stupid holiday?

Oregon was really hurt, and I was the only one at the party. It got really awkward, because it was a potluck, but all I brought was a 10 pound bag of ice for the drinks that weren’t there. We had to eat ice. There wasn’t even cake. Just ice. I also accidentally bought a block instead of crushed ice, so we literally had to use an ice pick to eat some of the worst ice I’ve ever had. I knew I shouldn’t have skimped and bought the off-brand ice.

Anyway, why do you keep taking Oregon for granted? You’ve literally lived together for years. Not to mention, who wouldn’t want to take Oregon out for a birthday/Valentine’s Day date? Oregon is absolutely stunning, and has a little bit of everything: beaches, deserts, hipsters, mountains, forests, cities and great restaurants. Valentine’s Day was created by candy companies too … Okay, I can’t do this anymore, I’m honestly just really hurt that nobody asked me out for Valentines Day. I mean I love Oregon’s birthday, but it’s too much state for me to handle and Oregon never calls back. I’m drowning in loneliness, and soon to be discount chocolate. WHY WILL NO ONE LOVE ME?

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