Dear Esmeralda,

I live with two other girls and one of them is always eating my stuff from the fridge and pantry. I have caught her on like five occasions this month and I have told her this is not cool. But she keeps doing it! This makes me wonder what else of mine she has took/used without my knowledge. I know school is almost over but we planned on living with each other over the summer … What in the heck should I do?

Sincerely,
Stolen Meatloaf

Dear Stolen Meatloaf,

GUUUUUUUUURL, if anyone tried to eat my food I would eat them! Ain’t nobody taking my food. I have gotta say your patience is something out of this world! Goodness, I nearly become superhuman! So there are two routes you can go; my preferred route (the petty af route) or the more mature (and boring route). So because I am a petty queen I’m going to tell you about the petty way first. I would start by eating her food and then playing dumb. Then I would start hiding her things, don’t go big at first. Start with one of her makeup brushes, or a spare hair brush. Then take a surge protector. Then the connector of her phone charger, not the cord itself of course. That is the last thing to go. You see the pattern, you may need to adapt it for her but I say you can wreak lots of havoc over the next few weeks.

Now for the mature way (AKA the boring way). One thing you can do is eat food she doesn’t like, make it spicy that is a good way to get people to stop eating your food. OH! I thought of a petty version! You will have to waste food and I hate that but it will teach her a lesson. Over salt, like way too much salt, your leftovers. Then when she eats it she will be in for a surprise! Now back to our regularly scheduled maturity! Another thing you could do is talk about it with her again and explain that if she is gonna keep eating your food she had better help pay for it or if she wants to do the dishes after you make food that could be a fair trade off.

Another serious note: because it is the end of school year your roommate could be out of money. If so I would mention the on campus food pantry located in the lowest floor of the APSC. It’s on the side closest to the town’s main drag.