March 12, 2025
The Signs as Dog Breeds
Aries: Siberian Husky
Taurus: Corgi
Gemini: chow chow
Cancer: Chihuahua
Leo: Vizsla
Virgo: poorly bred pug
Libra: White Poodle
Scorpio: Belgian Malinois
Sagittarius: Chocolate Lab
Capricorn: German Shepherd
Aquarius: Crusty white dog (aka Maltese)
Pisces: Shiba Inu
February 26, 2025
The Signs as Croc Jibbitz
Aries: Harry Potter phoenix
Taurus: Spider-Man
Gemini: lightning mcqueen
Cancer: mr. poopybutthole from Rick and Morty
Leo: mini croc.
Virgo: is that… the duolingo owl?
Libra: Cowboy Cat YeeHaw
Scorpio: Vaporeon… you all know why
Sagittarius: Freddy Fazbear
Capricorn: golden flower from Tangled
Aquarius: a UFO
Pisces: Lord Farquad…Love for my shorties
February 12, 2025
The Signs giving Valentine’s gifts:
Aries: A custom bobblehead of themselves
Taurus: They ARE the gift
Gemini: A calendar with … unique photos
Cancer: chocolate edibles
Leo: You’re supposed to get a gift?
Virgo: Anti-aging cream (but it comes in a really pretty basket)
Libra: Tickets to the Micro Wrestling Federation
Scorpio: A copy of “Haunting Adeline” to act out together
Sagittarius: A subscription to Manscaped
Capricorn: Self improvement book
Aquarius: A burrito blanket
Pisces: A recreation of “Bold and Brash”
February 5, 2025
The Signs as types of cookies
Aries: Red velvet with white chocolate chips
Taurus: Thumbprint cookie
Gemini: raw cookie dough
Cancer: samoas
Leo: Oatmeal raisin
Virgo: too salty chocolate chip
Libra: Sugar cookie
Scorpio: Double chocolate chunk
Sagittarius: White chocolate macadamia
Capricorn: Thin mints
Aquarius: Gingersnap
Pisces: Snickerdoodle
The Signs as Crayola Colors:
Aries: Literally all of them
Taurus: Forest green
Gemini: sassy salmon
Cancer: brick red
Leo: Dandelion yellow
Virgo: useless white
Libra: Purple Mountains’ Majesty
Scorpio: Screamin’ green
Sagittarius: Razzmatazz
Capricorn: Tickle me pink
Aquarius: Wild blue yonder
Pisces: laser lemon
The Signs as houseplants
Aries: Bird of paradise
Taurus: Poinsettia
Gemini: a dead fern
Cancer: a dying cactus with a singular pink flower
Leo: Marble Monstera
Virgo: a fake houseplant
Libra: English Ivy
Scorpio: Snake plant
Sagittarius: String of pearls
Capricorn: Neon Pothos
Aquarius: a spider plant that has grown out of control
Pisces: Anthurium
The Signs as Spotify playlists
Aries: 0 patience, 100% hits
Taurus: Staring at the ceiling at 3 am with a bit of existential dread
Gemini: midwestern emo with a bit of theatre kid
Cancer: Fiona Apple ranked in order of rage.
Leo: Early 2000s club music
Virgo: music to listen to if you hate yourself
Libra: music i would play for you if we were two small bugs watching the sunset
Scorpio: Songs to romance Astarion to
Sagittarius: Peppermint Patty, the Bi-icon you are
Capricorn: it’s 2012, you’re trying on jeans in the fitting room, they don’t fit, the walls are closing in
Aquarius: Impromptu drive to the coast
Pisces: Psych rock for finger painting
The Signs’ New Year’s resolutions
Aries: Try to listen better… only if everyone agrees I’m right first
Taurus: Actually socialize
Gemini: become a hotter but worse person
Cancer: get. it. together.
Leo: Doesn’t even bother making any, because there is no possible way to be more perfect
Virgo: touch grass
Libra: Embracing that work life balance
Scorpio: collect more shiny things
Sagittarius: global domination
Capricorn: deciding next year’s resolution
Aquarius: Stop spending over $100 at Trader Joe’s
Pisces: Becoming the best version of myself
The Signs over Winter Break:
Aries: Spends their life savings on presents
Taurus: Makes far too many baked goods
Gemini: lowkey the grinch
Cancer: tangled in Christmas lights 🙁
Leo: Hitting the slopes
Virgo: finally gonna write that book (not really)
Libra: in a meat coma
Scorpio: Ho ho ho-ing it up
Sagittarius: getting turnt AF
Capricorn: break? never heard of her
Aquarius: Silently judging all of the presents
Pisces: sleeping until noon every day
What the Signs bring to Thanksgiving
Aries: Literally everything
Taurus: Turducken
Gemini: half a bottle of wine and store-bought potato salad
Cancer: The booze
Leo: The drama
Virgo: a really good but weird dessert nobody’s ever had before
Libra: Burnt Mac and cheese
Scorpio: A ham encased in jell-o
Sagittarius: The good brownies 😉
Capricorn: Bear ribs
Aquarius: Their own experimental version of green bean casserole
Pisces: Half-eaten pumpkin pie
WESTERN OREGON UNIVERSITY
345 Monmouth Ave. N.
Monmouth OR 97361
503-838-8000 | 1-877-877-1593