This week in entirely made up horoscopes

The Signs in High School

Aries: The class clown

Taurus: Major procrastinator that somehow has a 4.0

Gemini: the kid nobody likes

Cancer: the “high and mighty” football player

Leo: Cheer Captain

Virgo: band kid for lyfe

Libra: Friends with everyone, best friends with no one

Scorpio: That one goth that’s weirdly good at sports

Sagittarius: Naruto running down the halls

Capricorn: bro that plays music out loud down the hall

Aquarius: Runs for class president every year and never makes it

Pisces: Scene kid who only takes art electives