February 12, 2025
Written by: Isabelle Jones | Lifestyle Editor
Learning how to set healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining mental health and strengthening respect within relationships. According to TherapistAid, “Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships.” They enable people to protect their emotional, physical and mental health, allowing one to show up as their best self, both in personal and professional lives. Many people may feel uncomfortable setting boundaries due to fear of rejection, a desire to please others or simply not knowing how to express personal needs. Unfortunately, not setting boundaries can lead to overwhelming feelings of burnout, resentment toward others and a loss of identity. Getting taken advantage of causes emotional exhaustion and unnecessary stress. With practice, establishing and maintaining boundaries can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships and a greater sense of self-respect. Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting others out; rather, it’s about creating a safe, respectful space where one can thrive. Boundaries do not end at personal and professional relationships, they can be applied to various other areas within our lives, even our online presences. We have to also understand that setting boundaries isn’t just about saying “no.” It’s about preserving one’s mental and emotional health, and nurturing a sense of self. Some may believe that setting boundaries can be hurtful to the other person, but not expressing one’s own needs, including the need for space, can be extremely damaging, even leading to possible feelings of resentment.
In order to set boundaries, it’s necessary to identify what needs to be protected. Sometimes the answer doesn’t immediately come to mind, but asking these questions can help to clear the way.
- “What makes me feel uncomfortable, drained or disrespected?”
- “Where do I feel my time, energy, or emotions are being taken for granted?”
- “When do I feel I’ve been overcommitting or sacrificing my well-being?”
Once we understand what’s not going to be tolerated, it’s important to define the limits. This could be applied to personal relationships, work environments or even among social circles. After all of this has been recognized and acknowledged, the next step is to communicate these boundaries to others. Communication should be clear and kind, but also direct and assertive. Setting boundaries is not asking for permission, but informing another person of a change of needs. When expressing limits, one should be prepared for any resistance. Some may not be immediately accepting of boundaries. Stay calm, and reinforce the boundaries. Saying “no” is healthy and is part of a balanced life. Consistency is key when it comes to upholding boundaries. Conflict is uncomfortable and it can be tempting to bend the boundaries, but it undermines them in the long run.
Boundary violations are very likely to happen, so how one responds to any violations is extremely important. It’s crucial to have a direct conversation with the boundary violator in order to fix the issue. When another does not take boundaries seriously and continues to violate them, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. Healthy relationships require mutual respect, and part of that respect includes honoring each other’s boundaries. Many people feel guilty or selfish when they enforce their limits, but in reality, boundaries are an essential form of self-care. Taking up space, saying no and prioritizing one’s needs without feeling guilty can lead to several health benefits. Among the benefits are increased emotional well-being, stronger relationships and improved self-esteem that all result in a larger control over one’s life.
Setting boundaries is an essential skill that allows one to live authentically and protect their well-being. It can be difficult at first, especially if one is not accustomed to asserting their needs, but with practice, it becomes easier. Understanding one’s limits, communicating clearly and consistently enforcing boundaries cultivate healthy relationships and create a life that honors one’s own needs, priorities and values. In order to protect one’s health, we need to reiterate to ourselves that boundaries are not walls — they are bridges to more fulfilling, respectful and balanced relationships, where everyone can flourish.
Contact the author at howllifestyle@wou.edu
